About marriage and stuff like that...

I am going to say something, which I think a lot of people will relate too...and what I believe that a lot of people feel, but don't admit it...."I am scared of the idea of Marriage". I don't understand how 2 people can agree to spend the whole, entire, complete rest of their lives with someone. See, people change. I might like someone today, but after 2 yrs, or 5 yrs or say 10 years, he might take up smoking, become a drunkard or could go for a personality change....I don't know....But I'm sure people won't remain the same...Or maybe he remains the same, but I know for a fact that I will definitely change- so I might not like him anymore...fir kya?

And then there is the whole question about a love marriage vs. an arranged one...how can you judge if someone is compatible with you, or whether tumhari usse pategi ki nahi...
how do you know? I mean like Shahrukh says in DTPH ki "Mujhe kaise pata chalega ki this is the one for me? What will happen when he comes in front of me? Will it start raining, will there be violins in the background, what?" At least in a love marriage you know part of what to expect, but in an arranged thing, it is so simple to end up with the wrong guy... what if he turns out to be wife-beater! (Ok, I know I'm acting a li'l paranoid, but there's that possibility).

Maybe I'm just blabbering away...and it't not like I'm getting married tomorrow- but I just don't wanna get married...! And I don't want people around me getting married either!

"Chalo kuchh masti kartey hain"... :)

Lately I have been accused of being lazy, lethargic or un-enthusiastic. I am often told that on campus I was not like this, or that I used to be full of energy and always ready to try any new idea. So how can I say that I am tired; how is it humanly possible that I turn down a plan? I should be saying, "Kal office hai to kya hua, chalo party karte hain." How can I sleep at 11pm? In fact, how can I, after a LONG day at office, even imagine saying something like, "No man....am not up to it...!"?? This is pure sacrilege...!! I am supposed to have unlimited supplies of energy and am supposed to always be on a high.

So I am going to list down some of the things I have been doing in Mumbai (from June '07 to date) and maybe the reader can judge if this is decent enough or not-

Places Visited- Elephanta caves, Matheran, Vasai fort

In Mumbai- Gateway, Marine drive (obviously), Haji Ali, Bandstand (some 100 times), Jahangir Art Gallery, Cafe Mondegar, Juhu chowpatty, film city, Mount Mary's steps for Feast, Matunga for south indian cuisine, almost all resaurants in Bandra west, shopping on Linking road (for 50 people back home), ALL malls in Mumbai (nothing above Andheri :D), bowling, biking, saw that 4D movie i mentioned....

Plays/concerts- A Ballet performance, Vagina Monologues, Double Deal, Dear Liar...

Movies- Everything released in the last 4 months (3 movies on this last weekend alone!)

Other things done- Started this blog, started a canvas painting, learnt cooking from scratch, got a brilliant massage at Retreat in Madh Island, planned a very nice bday for a friend, catching up on my reading, joining gym from this week...

In office- Launched my company into a new business sector, did some 6 lakhs of business in the 1st week itself, travelled South for training our employees.... getting majorly screwed in office on a daily basis and just come home and feel like crashing...!

Phew...after taking stock of the last 3 1/2 months, I think I'm doing quite allrite...watsay?

The 5 people you meet in Heaven

This is the title of the book I'm reading these days- The 5 people you meet in Heaven (by Mitch Albom). The book starts with the protagonist's death and his journey in heaven. And obviously, as the name suggests, there are 5 people he meets up there- people who have touched his life in a way that he never even knew in his life. The author gives a completely new version to life after death. He says that Heaven is the place you go to, to make sense out of your life on earth; where you get answers to questions about your life...how, your Life has a meaning and everyone's lives are intertwined in a way that we can't even imagine. If you ever said, "Why me?", you'll get the answer to that in your after-life.

I was enthralled by this completely new concept of heaven and it made me think that if I were to die today, or say Now- who would I meet in Heaven? Well here's my list...since it's a bit personal, I am not going to use full names for a change-

G- I know for a fact that we have both affected each other's lives in a big way- so much that if we had not met each other, I would have been a different person today- maybe a more fun person, maybe more happy-go-lucky, definitely less philosophical. He and I are definitely, most definitely, meeting Up There to settle some scores

P- I think something went wrong somewhere and I am not sure who was at fault. I have no clue where he is, but if he reads this and figures out that this was written for him- maybe he'll gimme a call before it's too late

B- I am dead sure (pun intended) that I'll meet her up there. Have known her for some 18-19 yrs now and am certain she won't leave my peechha in my after life also

S- His name should have been at the very top I think. He darkened my childhood in a way - and even though I think I've forgiven him, I still need answers

p.s. I know I've mentioned only 4 people- that's coz I couldn't think of anyone else- I still have a long life ahead anyways, so I'm sure I'll find the fifth person...

Rime of the Ancient Mariner

There's a poem I read a long time back~ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (by S.T.Coleridge): This poem haunted me a lot as a teenager...it built my early thoughts about life, crime, punishment and redemption.

Sometimes you commit mistakes in Life~ everyone does. Sometimes people just do things without thinking, sometimes they don't think of the consequences or sometimes they're just plain stupid. But when you commit a grave error, you might have to bear a fate worse than Death- you might have to carry the albatross around your neck for the rest of you godforsaken life!

The poem is a classis account of Sin and Restoration. One by one all the other sailors die, but our Mariner will not get death- he must live Life with the burden of the albatross, he must endure the cursing eyes of the fellow sailors' and wander on Earth in search of Redemption.

No further gyan from me about Life in this context- if you din't get it, read the poem again...

New day, new week....

Well, it's another day, another week and I am back to office. For a change I don't have Monday morning blues- feeling all geared up and ready to go :)

For those who don't know yet, I am fast on my way to becoming a high-flying corporate honcho :P Have a line of business trips planned this week. Will be off to Chennai and Hyderabad (God, please no bomb blasts on those 2 days... please, pretty please) for training the company employees. It feels nice to be able to tell the secretary, "I'm going away next week, book my tickets." :))

Caught up on a 4D movie at Atria Mall, Worli. It was pretty interesting stuff with water sprays and puffs of wind making the entire experience very realistic. The haunted house show was especially good (I recommend you do not take a kameena friend along- who might scare you suddenly by running his hands down your back in a creepy/crawly manner!!) Ggrrr...! If you're the kind of person who knows how to let her hair down, you could go for "Bumping Cars/Striking cars", and bring back old memories. I certainly had a brilliant time :))

Random thoughts #738

This blog has become an important part of my life. Every morning, as I get dressed for work or am traveling in the auto, these weird topics run in my mind. And believe me, they actually scamper around my head like little mice. I can feel them banging against each other and the inside walls of my head, each of them trying to come up on the top :)) And these topics can range from the mundane to the serious to the surreal. (Unless of course, I wake up in a grumpy mood, in which case I anyways know I can use this space for as much cribbing as I want :D)

Well, today somehow there was a blank and I couldn't think of a single topic that enthused me enough to write. So I thought I'll just start writing random thoughts (I couldn't let down my faithful readers na :))) hehehehhehe....

One interesting thought that did occur to me was a question that A asked me a few days back- "It's not important what age you want to retire at, what is important, is what salary you retire at". He says, (very coolly) he wants a crore at his retirement age. "Hmmm...", I say, trying to quickly come up with a figure to quote. We MBA's are supposed to talk big at all times, mind you, and always seem prepared for everything and we are also supposed to know answers to questions like, "Where do you see yourself 10 yrs down the line?" Interesting question...even though I don't know where I see myself this weekend, I definitely know some answer to the aforementioned question :DD This is all a part and parcel of this whole MBA bandwagon; and frankly I don't see anything wrong in it. I just have to worry about earning a crore till age 50 (?) so that I can match my peers :D

Ciao for now, I have some office politics and an asshole waiting for me :D

p.s. I simply LOOVVVE this...I can write anything I want to, without anybody questioning me..hehehhehe :)))

Happy Teachers' Day to me...

Today after a long time I am missing my teaching days. The sense of fulfillment that teaching as a profession can give you, is hard to find in any other job. I had some 20 kids of my own, each with his/her own idiosyncrasies and I loved each of them for what they were :)

Early in the morning when I would be sitting on a mat with the children surrounding me, Anandini (2 yrs old at the time) would walk right in the door and gimme a tight hug and say, "Auuuunnnnttyyyy!" :) Hehehehe...she was this little cutie pie and a perfect angel. She would sit on my lap during lunch break and sing a Bengali poem which the "didis" (the maids/helpers) had taught her.

The one kid I will never forget is Varun M. Chainani (3 1/2 yrs). If you have ever seen a monster, he was the perfect specimen. I think he got some cardinal pleasure if he managed to make me pull my hair out by the end of the day. The days he was absent used to be the best :D Everyone could do their work in peace without having to complain about Varun messing up things and I could breathe peacefully for some time. But on the days he din't come to school, I would miss the small pink periwinkle that he brought for me every morning (plucked out of the school garden, which he was obviously forbidden to do :) I sometimes wonder what happened to my little monster with the front teeth missing :)

Avyay (3yrs) was this brilliant, smart, handsome kid who was made for big things. He would surely grow up to be a heart-breaker some day ;) Rishabh was this fatty kid, Kshitij was the silent one and Zuhaib the seedha one. Among the girls I remember Ayushi, Riya, Joshna; all perfect princesses :)

The thing about kids is that their life is so simple and they love unconditionally. I am glad that they came into my life and gave me so much love and fulfillment. I hope they all turn out into brilliant human beings and do well in Life. God Bless them.

The Boy who cried wolf & A Roller-Coaster

I started writing this blog about some negative things again this morning. About how in today's world the "Boy who cried Wolf" could be the people you think you are close to. Who tell you (lie?) that they care about you and will be there for you in times of need. But when the Wolf actually comes (meaning when troubles arrive) these people won't be there. I know this allegory doesn't really match with the real story but that doesn't really matter either.

Have you ever sat on a roller coaster? It gives you this funny feeling in your tummy when you go from the top to the bottom. Somehow I feel that Life is like that only. It takes only a few seconds to bring you from the high highs to the low lows. And as your life goes rocketing down you get this queasiness and uncertainty. But I guess we should also remember that we will again climb up from here and the feeling of adrenalin rushing into your blood will take you to newer highs. But its just that this continuous cycle of up and down leaves you pukish in the end and you just wanna get off the ride.

Today Life gave me a hard kick on the backside and saw to it that I give up this grumbling and bloody well start acting like a grown up. Happened to catch up with an old friend today. Out of the blue I found out that he had had a horrible accident for which he was in bed for 4 1/2 months and today he is on crutches with one leg badly hurt :(

Life is very unfair. But I suddenly realised that it hasn't really been that unfair to me. I have been able to pursue my MBA, live life king size, come to Mumbai and fulfill my dreams, keep pressures of marriage at bay...more or less done a pretty decent job of my life so far. Yet I crib so much about how My life is screwed up!

Everyday I hear of people dying, of horrible diseases like cancer, of abortions and miscarriages, of poverty and bankruptcies, of families breaking apart...and yet I have never turned to God and said thank you for keeping me and my family safe. Every morning I go to the church and tell Jesus about my problems and ask him to sort them out for me, but it's very rare that I say, "Father, everything is all right and I wanna thank you for it."

We just take things for granted so easily- "like being able to lift your own bloody foot." I am in an introspective mood and I am ashamed of myself: of how greedy I have become, how my need and craving for happiness has blinded me to the pain and suffering around me. How, in the last 3 months I have not been able to take out time for any kind of social service, even though I work only 5 days a week and am home by 7pm. How we as humans have stopped being thankful for the small joys that Life brings our way, every now and then.

Blank

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Live for yourself

I never thought that being cold can ever be the solution to anything. But I am proud to say that I have mastered the art of being cold/rude/harsh to people. I have mastered the art of not caring about how the other person would feel if you said something strongly. Because now I think, that your biggest responsibility is towards yourself first, only then do other people come in. If you are not happy with something, then it is not worth it. And you should not do something just to make someone happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should not do favours for people, but if it causes you distress, anguish or even plain and simple irritation, you need not bother. Ya I know, I sound like a really bad person, but I am beginning to question this whole morality of giving selflessly and caring and sharing. Our parents always teach us all these "good" things like being nice to people, not being rude to them etc., but how come they never told us to be nice to ourselves? How come we were never taught to love ourselves? I feel the whole concept of moral values need to be re-worked and the motto in life should be "live for yourself".

Miles to go before I sleep...

The 1 thing that my days at IIM have shown me, is how much capacity I have to stretch myself. You really don't know how far you can go until you try it. You will realise that you can go for hours even without sleep. Learn to live life in the moment and make the most out of every hour/minute and second, coz these days will never come back again... :K

Maro a night-out, do masti the whole of next day- party/shopping/bakar/
lunches/plays/dinners and then after some 6 odd hours of sleep, gear up for a tiring week ahead... feel the adrenalin rushing through your body, feel your heart pumping blood through your veins so that you can go that extra mile :)

I love the feeling that you get when you have packed your clock with so much work/activities that your bones feel tired and your eyes cannot open any more, and you feel like just plopping into a comforting bed...I like that feeling of being so dead tired that you fall into the deepest slumber possible...when you know that you have achieved the maximum possible out of the 24 hrs given to you, you will not feel guilty about falling asleep and resting awhile.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Male-bashing (literally!)...

I am back in my feminist mood today...people say that I should become the head of some Mahila Mukti Morcha group...well I don't care what people say; I have a problem with men... I have a problem with the way they look at females as if they were sex-objects, I have a problem that they think they can say just bloody anything and get away with it, or that they can just grab any female on the road or feel her up and she won't say anything....! This is not 200 BC where men had harems and women were sold in open markets. It's high time that men in our country learnt how to respect women. (& I say India only, coz thats my concern, coz i'm gonna stay in India and would encounter Indian bastards only most of my life...)

I encountered one such bastard yesterday afternoon, who thought that because he was in a gang of 6-7, he could get away with anything. But I guess he din't realise ki uska kisse paala pada hai... :D I am proud to say that the connection between the bottle in my hand and his face was just perfect and am sure he would have a pretty neat black eye this morning :))))

We are not kids anymore who would get scared at a situation like this. This is a call to all women out there, to not take this stuff lying down and think, "Chod naa, hota rehta hai..." No. Raise your voice against any kind of misbehaviour. Whistling, cat-calls, brushing past, touching, grabbing...all of us have faced some of this, sometime or the other in our lives. And it is high time we gave it right back to them where it would really hurt; and like I say, "Bacchey nahi paida kar paoge!"

Chak de!

Faces of India

A small house of my own....

2 friends of mine are shifting in together in a flat in Lower Parel. Went to see the place and it was AWESSSSOOMMMMME! Its like a duplex and really really well done on the inside. Its painted in a classy way, with orange, yellow and red. I was soooo soooo soooo damn Jealous I can't believe...that's coz I had thought that I'd have my own house in Mumbai, which I would do up nicely and you know, like someone said, " having ur own house...even if rented is a gud feeling...its as if u r the king of that small place on earth and can do whatever u wish to..."

And I'm staying in a stupid PG (well it's not really stupid and I can do whatever I want to really)...but its still not "My House"...It's more like a temporary arrangement, doesn't give you that sense of ownership...but koi na, I have made it quite clear to them that they can expect to find me there at any time and I would like to be treated like a quasi- owner; whether they like it or not!! :DD