I know I want to write something... but I don't know what I'm writing.... I just want to blabber away... I just want someone with whom I can share everything... someone who I can trust completely...someone who wont judge me... someone who will say, "It's ok". Gosh, I can't believe you could ever feel so alone in life!

Our troubles in Life are not great...in fact they are not even troubles...they are just small inconsequential teeny tiny aberrations which come are way. There are just so many people out there, whose lives are so damn screwed up, you could never believe it.

-There's an old frail woman who doesn't know where her next meal is coming from
-There's a woman being raped somewhere
-There are children dying of starvation in Africa
-There's a man whose wife just walked out on him, leaving a small crying kid and a broken family behind
-There's a young girl being molested by her uncle
-There's a man dying of cancer
-There's a man who met with an accident that left him a cripple for life
- There's a 10 yr old girl being sold off by her parents to some pimps

When are we gonna wake up? When are we gonna open our eyes? When are we gonna do something?

Kabhi kabhi aisa nahi lagta ki you don't know what you want in life... and you try very hard to introspect, to write down stuff, to think... but the answers don't come at all... in fact you just get more entangled in a web of emotions, questions, concerns....
I'm feeling more or less the same today... and the trouble is that I know that this time no one can help me come up with an answer... at the end of the day, I need to decide ki mujhe kya chahiye life mei... wat is good or bad for me... wat is right and wrong for me....
Am I the only one who feels like that, or actually everyone feels the same, but no one shows it..? Sometimes I feel everyone is clear about their vision (not just career wise, but generally about life) and I'm the only one grappling with answers...

Hey... I just realised that the last post was my 100th post on my blog :))
Well, that's quite a milestone :)
happy 100th anniversary (? should it be called something else? like a golden anniversary?) to me :)

I'm feeling very happy :)
Don't ask me why... there's no reason... bas I'm just feeling good...
maybe it's the weather.... :)
But I'm all smiles today :)

Surrrrrprriiiise!

I like surprises... they make you feel really nice and special.... :)
You know, when you plan something for someone and go all hush hush when they enter the room... On your bday, you are obviously expecting that people will give you gifts, a party, will treat you special etc...but a proper surprise would be something out of the blue... :)

Like getting roses from someone, for no reason, no occassion.....when you're not expecting it at all :)
Like celebrating your B'day in Oct when it actually comes in May :)
Like landing outside your friends' door at 6am and dragging them to someplace fun :)
Like throwing a bash in your friend's honour for something she's done to make you feel proud :)

I've put a video from a surprise party that my friends had thrown for me... I think it was the BEST party I ever attended.... planned right under my nose- and I had completely no clue at ALL...! That's wat made it even more special :)

The hypocricy of Indian Mythology & Hinduism

My sis was totally scandalized when I explained to her last evening that the Shiva ling that we worship is actually Lord Shiva's penis...and the round thing that forms the base of the lingam is actually the vagina of the Mother Goddess...! I also actually found this out only a year or so back- and was equally scandalized..! :D

The more I read about things like these, the more I get disillusioned by the whole concept of Hinduism and religion. I haven't read the Vedas or the Bhagwat...whatever concepts I have, are only from what society has taught me... but the dichotomy that this society follows is not acceptable to me. You can pray to Gods' private parts, you can be proud of your Khajuraho temples, you can tell stories about Krishna's raas leela, yet you cannot discuss sex with your children...?

Read this: The Shiv Ling, is representative of the most wonderful and miraculous feature of life itself. What distinguishes life from non-life, after all? Above all else, the ability to reproduce its own kind. It is the consummation of the vast and different energies of the male and female universal prerogative, of which the Shiv Ling in union is a symbol- celebrating the fact that humankind has two sexes, each with its unique attributes and qualities, and when they come together, they produce a synergy, they create MORE life, they become more than the sum of their individual parts.

All I have to say is that, if you actually consider this true, then why is sex such a taboo in our country? And yet our population is growing at this rate? Why is Shiva's tandav spiritual, but your daughter dancing in a disco, vulgarity? At least be true to yourself and decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong. Don't go by the hypocrisies that is Indian Society.

I hate birds...

I hate birds...! Shit man... shit! Just so much shit...! Yes, you guessed it right... some bloody bird crapped on me...!! Ggrrrr....**&^%$#&*(*&^^%###%@&........!!!
I have never felt so disgusted in my entire life.... it's just sooo bloody eewwww...! This is only the second time in my 24 yrs of existence that this has happened (first time was when I was in school... so I don't even remmber much...) But this was just sooooo eeeewwwwww :((
I felt like puking....! Just writing about it is again making me feel like throwing up....gosh.. just like people complain about stray dogs in Calcutta, I'm gonna raise my voice against stray birds... who attack innocent passerbys in such a vicious manner...! And A was laughing...! She was actually smiling at my reaction... as if she were indulging a child's tantrums...!
I dragged her to the nearest shop I saw, picked up the first decent shirt I could, and as soon as I reached office, simply darted into the washroom and changed... phew! What a relief that was... if I'd got a li'l late.. I would have totally lost it...Anyways the people on the road were totally taken aback when I was screaming expletives at the top of my voice! :D

It's 12 midnight and I'm lying on the bed with my lappy on my lap (pun intended).... I'm tired and sleepy... so then I should just sleep na... why am I even bothering with writing abhi....
sigh....I like this peace and calm....when the whole world is sleeping... everything is quiet around you....you can't hear anything except the clock ticking and the clatter of the keys of the keyboard.... somehow this quiet just calms you down also....

good night to the world...

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is around the corner again. This day always brings mixed feelings. Partly nice, partly sad, partly wierd, partly fun... I remember the times when all my friends would meet up and go to some place to celebrate this special day. There would be red heart balloons everywhere, there would be stalls with red roses everywhere, people would generally be in a very nice mood. There would be other gangs of friends, just out to have a nice time, and even though none of us had been in love, or were seeing anyone, this day just made you feel nice :)
All the people who question this Day, or suggest that it's a form of westernisation of our culture- are simply to be treated like a case of sour grapes :)
Seriously..! Coz, I'm sure that giving love or receiving love can never be anything but a means of happiness. What can be more lovely than the feeling that there is someone special who loves you or cares about you. Any day dedicated to this day is an awesome idea- so what if it's hyped by media or made into a commercial thing? Everyone wants to be loved... Everyone wants to be treated special... Everyone likes receiving flowers/gifts... :)
So here's to this day of Love, may everyone find true love in their lifetime, may this day bring only happiness and joy to all :)

A matter of life and death

I keep remembering Rajesh Khanna's dialogue from "Anand"- about how "jeevan aur maut upar waley ke haath mei hain, Jahaan panah.... hum sab to rangmanch ki katputlian hain, jinki dor unki ungliyon mei bandhi hain... kaun kab kaise bula liya jaye, koi nahi janta... ha ha ha!"

Lately, I have been haunted by questions about life, its fruitfulness, about death and the meaning of this entire cycle. Why do some people die young, while others live on till they are 100...why do some have a healthy old age while others spend their last few years in bed...withering away in the cold? What happens when you die, where do you go, is there life after death?

One thing is for sure- that death and uncertainty go hand in hand- the one thing that is certain about death is this uncertainty. So, even though I don't have answers to a lot of other questions, I do know that there is no "tomorrow". The important word is "today". So before it's too late, tell the people you love about your feelings, live life today, freak out, have fun, work hard...do whatever you have to "TODAY".

I know I've neglected this space for quite some time now.... what is funny is that I've realised that I write well when I am sad/depressed or down in the dumps. The words automatically start flowing and I just take out my frustration. It's rare that I write about how fine things are going or about the nice stuff in life...but the positive side of it is that I've learnt that it's ok to show that your not happy. Someone once told me that I'm too happy! Meaning that even if I'm annoyed/ sad/ mad/ frustrated, I very rarely show it. I have always been described as being a happy, cheerful, bubbly person; the kind who always bounces back.. the kind who has a very rosy life.

Well aisa nahi hai...at least the people who've read my blog in the last 6 months would vouch for it..! But ya, I have my mood swings and I go into extreme modes of joy and sorrow...which could be harmful for my mental stamina...baaki sab mast hai...

Last night was bad though...things haven't changed one bit...people are still the same, with the same problems, confusions, issues...! I wonder why I assumed that things would be different this time around...sigh... I'm thankful for my friend who stuck by me and gave me LOADS of gyan so that I calmed down...and have never behaved so maturely in my entire life...so that felt nice...
so thanks dude...i owe you one... :)