GiST

Came across this site called Grace in Small Things. The concept is just soo simple that you'd be surprised you never thought of it. It's just about being thankful about the small things in life. We all find it so much easier to crib about life, work, relationships, families etc... but how often do we feel thankful for the good things? So this site gets people together to fight against embitterment, against sarcasm, against cribbing.... :) 

All you have to do, is say thanks for 5 good things everyday...It's not going to be as simple as that though... bcoz we are conditioned  in such a way that we cannot see the good in people/situations/life... frankly- when I sat down to write, I really couldn't think of a lot of things to say grace about. But that  doesn't mean we can't try :) 

Morning cuppa

5 o'clock in the morning is the best time of the day. Any day, any month, any year- there's no time better than 5 am! I confess that I have been a morning person my entire life (that's until I went to K and become and owl overnight! :))
But truly- for peace, quiet and serenity- there's nothing better than getting up at 5 in the morning....you can hear the birds chirping (and I mean it- they actually chirp- the sparrows i mean, not the crows)... and the pigeons go about with that weird sound in their throat.. like they were gargling.. there was this really cute white pigeon on the terrace today. Our gardener has put a row of small yellow flowers and then a row of orange flowers (which have brown centres) and there were bees on them (of which I am generally scared)... the best part is that there is NO one around... I like that... I like being alone at times... though there is a big eagle (or maybe it's a hawk- i don't know the difference) hovering overhead.. which is a li'l scary... but you just can't help that tug on your lips which comes from the quiet of the surrounding- and you break into a smile when there is that sudden breeze which gives you goosebumps :)
Good Morning to the world :)
p.s. I'm contemplating getting another tattoo- ideas are welcome :D

Random random random stuff

Reading has become theraupatic for me. Earlier I read simply coz I enjoyed it... now I also read coz it helps me calm down and does not let my mind stray... There was a time I loved dancing for the same reasons... that it helped me just live in the moment.

For those who think that Harry Potter is just for kids- I used to think the same at one point of time (it was also partly due to my loyalties towards Enid Blyton). But, when you actually read it, believe me you'll realise the fun of reading a children's book again. It's a magical world and I don't mind believing in witches and wizards and goblins and elves for a short span of time- until you break out of that mood and come back to earth :)

The papers had a story of a young girl from Kolkata who went to a guy friend's place for a party where the guy's friends gangraped her! Along with the instant reaction of anger and shock, came the realisation that I could have easily been in that girl's place! For the first time in my life I find myself questioning my sense of judgement about my friends. How many nights have been spent giggling, joking and partying with friends on campus... how many outings have been made with the guys- to far-off places in Kerala... how many times have I been to friends' places in Mumbai...?? This girl did the same thing- she went to a 'friend's' place... what is sad is that one incident makes everyone stand back and re-look and question their own circle of trust. The next time a friend asks me over or some friends plan an outing- I'm gonna think twice about it. I'm sorry that it's like this :(

I have spoken about his earlier also and now once again I am wondering about the secret behind life and death. I have started believing that there is some algorithm behind this entire cycle. There is some Power, trying to maintain a balance on the planet. Which is why, sometime last year, I was only hearing of new births... in my extended family alone there have been 3 births and I have heard of some 4-5 other people  who've had babies last year. In the beginning of last year there were 3 deaths in my family and I heard of some 3-4 other deaths. 

Now again in the last 2 weeks I have already heard of 3 deaths... some of them really freaky- like a sudden haemorrage or a road-crossing accident..! And again I think that some supreme being is trying to create a balance of some kind by equalling the total number of births and deaths.

Emosanal Atyachar

Sometimes I like being melancholy... I don't know what it is about this feeling.. but sometimes you just enjoy feeling this weird mixture of sadness, nostalgia, pain... and somehow it feels nice.. I don't know why but it feels nice.. maybe I'm the only one who likes this feeling? 

To make it clear, I'm not wallowing in self-pity or crying my eyes out... I'm just feeling like you feel on a rainy day... when the sky is cloudy and you feel lazy and somehow old memories stir up from some corner of your brain... :D

You just like listening to songs that you know have a certain effect on you... you like looking at old pictures of family and friends...some people like having a nice strong whiskyand a nice comfi sofa to be in...sigh...I don't even know what I'm saying or what I'm about to type... it's nice... weird but nice...

p.s. In K's words, "Such is life. Tougher than we ever imagined it would be...makes you wish you'd never grown up and could stay a kid for life, eh?"

The past is lost to you forever, and the future isn't yet yours. Now is the only time you own. Use it well...

My best score at basketball- 110 in 150 secs! Awesome! :D
My worst score in Bowling ever- less than 30! :(

Life has its best and worst moments... and all can happen within an hour!! So if you're happy- don't be too happy and complacent coz you don't know what's aroun' the corner... and if you're sad and depressed, don't be too worried, coz things will get better soon :D

p.s. Note how philosophical I have become these days! :D

This year I pledge to...

The New year is just 10 days away and it's that time again when I make my resolutions and resolve not to break them for at least 2-3 months :D Every year my resolutions are on very very similiar lines. I generally resolve to be a better person, to make better relationships, to be happy and to not cry at all in the next year... (the last one is always the first to be broken every year :D)

So as this year ends, I again look back on the past year and see the error of my ways.. and I tell myself that the coming year will be better...and that I will be a better person next year... I resolve to stay happy, whatever the circumstance and to not let anything bog down my spirit and enthusiasm. I will be grateful for whatever I have and be proud and content with my achievements, yet strive to excel in whatever I pursue (this is beginning to sound like my MBA SOP :D). 

People will once again see that side of me, which I have kept hidden for the past 6-8 months... the side that people can see only glimpses of...that fun-loving, carefree person...look out guys... I'm coming back in FORM :D

Being in a senti mood today (though, when am I not senti :D) I have decided to say thanks to a couple of people who have stuck by me, without hope for any returns and out of pure love. One of these people is K- who I really admire and respect. This person has been like a rock- giving me support -even though he needed a lot of it too... I don't think I have ever come across someone as "suljha hua" as him... though he always begs to differ :) 

The other person is R-who refused to accept my testimonial on orkut- because I openly claimed that I love him and he was not sure how his girl friend would react :P The reason why I feel so nice when I talk to these people is that- they seem to know the answers to everything! Seriously...! 

When I feel bad about something or worried or plain confused- they just seem to say things that make the whole situation so simple :) Like- K says,"We all make choices in life.. and your choices will not necessarily make everyone happy... but that's how life is. You've made a choice- so now just stick to it, instead of questioning it!" 

Thanks guys... love you :)

Welcome to adulthood...

Every now and then people remind me how much I've changed since campus days... how I've matured and sobered down (as opposed to being immature and wild??? :P)... people tell me how I'm no longer just that masti, fun-loving girl and they assure me that this change is for the better :)

But then, how come I don't feel so great about it? How come I want to go back to that immature, naive kid who landed in K, feeling ready to conquer to world? (I think I was a more fun person then and I've come back to my boring self again). Surprisingly, other people also agree to having similiar feelings. VB says that when we reached campus, it was as if we had pressed a reset button on our lives and we could change who we were and be who we really wanted to be. But this reset was meant to last only those 2 years- after that you come back to normal life, out of that dream world.. into adulthood, with responsibilities, pressures... 

Heal the world...

Every time I come back from an Elaan meeting I get pepped up and think that I'm going to change the world from tomorrow onwards.  I know that's not entirely possible, but I hope I can make a difference somewhere, somehow...

The reason why I enjoy interacting with these people is because now, for once, I seem to have met like-minded people... I have gone through my entire school life and college life and MBA life, being tagged as a feminist or a crusader or a rebel without a cause. Somehow I feel at peace with these people. They have very similar believes as me, they all want to make a difference somewhere, they all feel strongly about certain issues... 

p.s. The pic is from the new upcoming Elaan office- where we had a short film screening and discussions- on World Day against Child Sexual Abuse. There will be more posts on this soon...

It's funny how we often mis-judge your parents....we live under the impression that parents belong to a different generation who will not understand us, our feelings, our ambitions, our turmoils.... we feel they just don't get it. But somehow they always surprise us.. they'll do something or say something which would be so simple and yet so profound that you'd go... "whoa...! where'd that come from!".

I remember this friend of mine from school who was in love with a guy from her engineering days... but she wasn't sure if her parents would agree to her marrying a guy from a different caste... Due to an unfortunate turn of events, this guy lost his parents... and her dad somehow agreed to the union... he said, "the poor guy has already lost 2 of the closest people in his life. If he lost you too, he'd be shattered." That's why he said yes! My friend was like... "I was soo surprised... I never thought dad could be like this!" Well now she's happy and settled in UK.. and i miss her... :)

So basically my point was, "Just learn to trust your parents. They've seen more of the world than you and me... and they care about you and don't want to see you hurt... Just take care you don't hurt them either." :)

p.s. There was an instance in campus, when I needed some serious advice, but was apprehensive about calling dad, coz I'd gotten myself in a mess.... but once I called him, things just seemed so much simpler... and he told me that i had to do what i had to do... and that was that! He was sooo supportive that I couldn't help being bowled over..! :)

Indecisiveness can be a very very bad thing. You should never take a decision without considering all the pros and cons of the situation. And once a decision is made, STICK to it... and it's never a good thing to wonder if it was the right decision or not... whether you are doing the right thing or not....
Once you've taken the plunge, you've taken it... that's that!

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high...

The headlines in the paper today justly reflect the sad situation in the country. No one knows whats going to happen next... it's like a lull before a big storm... remembered these lines from a poem by RNT (that's not Ratan Tata, that's RabindraNath Tagore!). I think it suits the situation very well...

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.
~Rabindranath Tagore

You know what I like about blogging? I like it when people read what I've written and relate to it. Sometimes they'll leave a comment, totally empathising with my thoughts or situation. Sometimes they even call or ping on gtalk and say that they could totally relate to what I felt... or give me their views... the best is when people leave messages saying that I shouldn't feel down, or give me advice to keep calm etc... It's nice to know that I am not a freak and others go through similiar patterns or thoughts like I do...

Writing your autobiography...

Have you ever attempted to write your autobiography? I wonder what age would be the right age to start one? When do you think you've done enough in life to actually put it down in a book? Sometimes a couple of years of your life are enough to fill in chapters and chapters, while sometimes a major chunk of your life may easily be fitted into one page.

One day I'm definitely gonna write the story of my life...it doesn't matter whether it gets published or not... or whether it becomes the next bestseller... but I think it will be a good exercise in introspection and standing aside and looking at your life. Definitely a good idea...

Bar girls vs cheerleaders-

Yesterday there was this debate on television against the presence of cheerleaders in the IPL matches. There was some old politician talking about culture and censorship on one side and Prahlad Kakkar on the other side- laughing at him :D I also thought that a mountain is being created out of a molehill. If this is what people want to watch- well, let them! Don't make moral judgements against anyone. Just chill...!

Then came the head of the Mumbai Bar Girls' Association. I was totally expecting some wierdly dressed middle aged women screeching into the camera (a la Rakhi Sawant)... but was pleasantly surprised to find an elderly, soft-spoken lady who just made a very small and valid point.

She says that 2 years back these dance bars were closed down in Mumbai on the pretext that these girls are scantily dressed and watching them dance like this in public is "wrong". Now the same government is allowing American females to be scantily dressed and dance in public and that too on national television. This is a clear case of being double-faced and the very grounds on which they had closed the bars, now stand violated.

I totally agree!

10 things I want to do before I die

This one's inspired by Paro's blog. Here goes- the top 10 things I want to do before I die (in random order)-
1. Own a Ferrari
2. Go on a world tour
3. Start my own NGO- (obviously women and child rights.. duh!)
4. Be able to dance amazingly, without getting conscious
5. Hear my Dad say once that he's proud of me. He'd say he is, if I asked him- but I want him to say it on his own
6. Have babies (in my own sweet time!)
7. See heads turn as I walk into a packed room- and have ALL eyes on me (for the right reasons :)
8. Come on television (with Amitabh Bachchan preferably)
9. Kiss Brad Pitt and Richard Gere and Tom Cruise (and George Clooney also... :D
10. Attain eternal Peace- be calm- be eternally happy :P

OK- so some of the points are more like fantasies instead of goals- but then IIMK's tag line goes- Dream Innovate Achieve :D
p.s. I wanna kiss Hugh Grant also.

God and his ways...

Went to attend a session on "Sexuality and Sexual Abuse" that was being conducted by "Elaan". (Visit their blog here). Elaan is an NGO that works against CSA (Child Sexual Abuse)- but this session was conducted along with "Swikriti" which works with people of alternate sexual orientations. Got to interact with people of different sexual orientations- like homosexuals, trans-genders and effeminate men...

Even though I act modern and open-minded, I will admit that I caught myself staring at a particular guy at innumerable occasions. He was dressed in female clothes with make up & earings and nail-polish etc. His mannerisms were such that you would not find anything amiss. But when he started speaking, obviously his voice gave away everything.

They explained the difference between Sex and Gender- Sex is biological in nature- what you are born as... whereas Gender is what you perceive yourself as. Society has set these rules where sex and gender are considered same, but actually they are not! So what happened to this guy was that he was born as a man (no problem there) but he perceives himself as a woman (which means that his Gender is Female). He likes wearing dresses, putting nail polish, wearing make-up and is attracted to men...

Imagine his anguish, in his childhood/teenage days when he did not even understand why he was behaving differently. Imagine other kids teasing him for being a sissy. Imagine his trauma at not understanding his dad's anger towards him. My heart went out to him when he explained that in his innocence he thought that he could win his dad's love if he looked pretty like his sisters. So he got all dolled up to impress him and got a sound trashing for it.

It's ironical that we think we live in a civilized society, but are yet so backward. And I am a part of it. If this guy was sitting next to me in office- I don't know how I would react. Even today~ when I have understood something about his perspective, I know I wouldn't be normal...but that's the one thing they crave- being accepted as normal.

A yr after MBA

Music Playing: Himesh Reshamiya

It's been one whole yr since I completed my MBA. Can't believe how fast time flies. It seems just like yesterday that we were walking from the Harvard steps, through classroom 1A, towards the amphitheater... the convo seemed like a culmination of the entire 2 yrs of hard work on campus and the harder work done before that, while preparing for CAT.

How has life been post MBA? Well, if you ask me that, I'd say- not all that bad... I can miss Kampus and the fun we had there- But I choose to have even more fun today and make my life happier and more happening. I never let myself miss K while in Mumbai- coz I was living life to the fullest there. Even now that I am back here in Cal, I am making the most of life... that's what that matters :)
One thing I do miss- Mess parties :P