Calcutta- here I come...

One thing I have noticed is that whenever I have something new happening in my life~ whether shifting houses, taking a new job, going to IIMK for studies~ there is always some kind of resistance. The mind and body are afraid of the unknown. One doesn't know what to expect and there is that natural feeling of not wanting to come out of your comfort zone. Even though you know that it's the best thing that could happen to you- (like K, for me) you're still hesitant and concerned.

But along with that there is this other feeling that you get~ the feeling that this time tum jaa kar bilkul tod-fod macha doge..! When it was K- I thought I'm gonna go and top in every subject and participate in every activity and be friends with everyone etc etc. (I think I achieved a lot of what I had hoped for- forget the grades! :) When I came to Mumbai I was really excited about having my own house and doing it up nicely and seeing Mumbai in all its glory and excelling at my workplace. Now when I'm going to Calcutta (I never say Kolkata) I am again getting that feeling of raring to go. Till now W Bengal has been doing miserably in my company's P&L and I'm telling myself that I'll go there and change the culture of the place (!) and change the way people do business there :D I'm also gearing myself up again to work on my CV, take up projects that I had been meaning to for quite some time. So all-in-all I feel that change is good for me. It somehow always makes me think afresh about my goals/priorities and charges me up even more :)

So Calcutta- Look out..here I come :))

Black.

There are times in life when you get a reality check. I have very recently come to know that there is someone out there, who Hates me...!! Seriously! This person has left me an anonymous message telling me that I will go to hell..! And it kinda disturbed me. Mainly because of 2 reasons-

1) I never thought that there could be someone who Actually hates me! I mean, sure I'm not saying that everyone has to love me coz I'm so great blah blah blah...but I thought that I'm definitely not someone who you'd hate (and that too, so deeply as to leave me a message like that!)

2)The other reason why I got a li'l harried was that the person did not have the guts to leave his name. Which could mean that he is either a coward or a really slimy character~ and I think it's really imp to be careful of both these kind of people.

Ummm...I don't know if there are any more people out there who hate me/dislike me~ maybe for certain actions of mine, maybe certain words spoken. I just know that I act on my instincts and do what I feel is right at the moment. Maybe my actions can backfire or maybe they were just the right thing to do ~ I don't know and I am not the one to judge. I believe in just listening to what my heart says. And then if you feel that you just have to do something, well then you gotta do what you gotta do...

Country roads...take me home...take me home...

One thing that everyone must do at least once in their lifetime- is to stay away from home. Especially females. You need to come out of that comfort zone and then see what life has to offer to you. And believe me it's not easy. It's not easy to come back home to an empty house after a long day at work; it's not easy to come home and wonder what to do for dinner; it's not easy to survive on McD/Pizza Hut for 6 months; it's not easy to learn cooking right from scratch... it's not easy to spend the weekend doing odd jobs like washing your clothes, going grocery shopping etc. It's not easy to learn to wash your own dishes, when you come from a home where you've been so pampered that you've never had to move a finger. It's not easy to mop and sweep your room and then clean up that dirty mop also! All in all, it's not easy.

Mumbai has taught me so much, it's overwhelming. More than anything one learns that everything in life doesn't come on a silver platter. You learn to value home and family so much more. And more than anything else, it brings you down from your high horse and put your feet firmly on the ground. If IIM K taught me how much I can stretch myself intellectually, staying alone in a big city taught me how to stretch myself emotionally and physically. I'm proud that I survived both the places so well and am returning home a better & stronger person...

Alibaug trip

There were so many things that I had to write, but just din't get the time in the last few weeks. I had definitely planned to write about my Alibaug trip with Sheeba. For once we made an impulsive plan (though the initial plan was Goa- just the two of us :) and it actually took off with no glitches. It had been really really long that we had done an all-girls thing like this and it just couldn't have been perfecter :D We were just lying on the beach on the mat with sunscreen and loads to talk about. Definitely the most brilliantest outing ever for me (especially with the awesome company- thanks Sheebs for a great time :)

You know what would have been better though? There should be like an all-girls beach! Where men are not allowed only :) ya, that would have been better. You wouldn't have to worry about some creepy guy clicking your pics from his cellphone, or look at fat, ugly, naked men covering each other in mud (eeeeawwww $%*&^$##$). You could actually wear a swim suit and not feel uncomfortable, you could just do so much more. The possibilities are unending...hmmm... I think there's an idea for a B-Plan...any takers? :D

The countdown begins...

I am getting more and more restless these days. There is a sinking feeling in my stomach that the end is coming closer. I have 2 weekends left in Mumbai and exactly 12 days of freedom left. I like to believe that I am the kind of person who does not like stagnating. I like change. I like the fact that something new is happening in my life. But this time I wonder why this churning feeling in my stomach just doesn't settle down.

I am definitely looking fwd to going back home, to celebrating my sister's wedding, to getting pampered and loved at home, to good home-food. But more than that I am deeply regretting what is definitely going to be the death of my independence. Don't get me wrong- I'm not worried about not getting to stay out late, or not getting to hang out with friends. I am more concerned about the fact that my family thinks that I am coming back to them just like I had left home. That their little girl has had a long holiday and she is back now. But I'm not sure if they understand that I've grown up, and now I like to deal with Life in my own way. I'm also worried that I might mold myself according to the rules of society again and become the "good girl" again- and might forget what it felt like to just be yourself- good or bad- happy or sad- but yourself!

I think I need to start concentrating on other things now- more important things-like my CV. I get the feeling that time is running out and I still have so much to do. When I was appearing for CAT, I remember I was so focused and knew what I wanted in Life. Basically ever since I've got into K, I don't think I have found anything that has made me go crazy like that again. Hmmm....so what I'm gonna do now, is that I will make some goals and Definitely stick by them.

In the meanwhile, all gyan is welcome on how to improve my CV.

You can either live life up to your expectations or up to other people's. Your entire life you have been the perfect kid, the good boy, miss-goody-two-shoes. All your life, you've heard people praise you- heard people say that you can never go wrong. You have spent your childhood and young adulthood, living upto these peoples' hopes for you. You've become a doctor, even though you wanted to study Arts, you've worked hard and perfected yourself and life seems rosy.

Then a time comes when you get the opportunity to decide things for yourself. Where you can start afresh and make changes because no one knows you. And you see that all the things that your parents/teachers/elders told you, were not necessarily true. Maybe it's all right if you get a B instead of an A+. Maybe it's OK if you bunk classes once in a while. Maybe it's not bad to have a beer or two. You're suddenly out in the world- away from the protection of you family, away from people who taught you what was right and wrong and made the decisions for you. But now, you need to decide things for yourself and your life. You have to set your own expectations and live up to them.

You may not live up to society's expectations any more. Your friends may feel that you've changed too much. Your parents may think that their upbringing went wrong somewhere. These issues will appear. You will get a lot of emotional blackmail. But don't worry. Just stick your ground. Even if you feel that you've made a mess out of your first attempt at leading Life your way- don't worry. Just remember-
a)At least this mess is your mess. At least you're not stuck with a mess created by someone else making decisions for you
b)You're still finding your way around- you'll learn!
c) The only person you are answerable to- is Yourself and your top most priority is your happiness.

Baz Luhrmann- Wear Sunscreen

One of the most inspiring songs I've ever heard :)

sunscreen song

This is a song I was introduced to in college...and whenever I am down, I listen to it and somehow it always peps me up. The lyrics are real cool....google for it and follow it with the video above :P

What is with people? Either I have changed too much in the past 2.5 yrs or people have stopped exactly where they were and stopped moving forward. It's true that my idea of "fun" has changed. I like partying. I just like the sound of saying something like, "Let's paaaaarrrrddddyyyy!!" I was a complete geek before coming to K and that place taught me to let myself a little loose and sit back and relax.

And partying doesn't necessarily mean boozing or taking drugs. It means hanging out, listening to music, doing bakar, dancing, pulling each other's legs etc.

Then why do Indians think that it's bad to have fun? You know, parents say stuff like, "She's always out with friends. Uske ghar pe pair nahi tiktey." As if that is a bad thing to do. I don't think there's anything wrong in that. And when, even people of our generation have that backward way of thinking, I just think "Boss, yeh kya hai!" And it's even more frustrating when you tell your friends ki let's meet up and someone says something like "Kya karenge mil ke?" Or, if there is some cause of celebration and you say that we're partying on so-and-so date at so-and-so place, they actually ask you something like, "Kya karenge party mei?" Huh!! :O

When men get sexually harassed..!

I recently heard something which made me sit up and take notice...it's not like one does not hear stories about men being at the wrong side of sexual advances; but someone actually describing his experience was a complete shocker. My first reaction was :O and then a small grin and then a full gabbar style roar :D

But then, that's not done. The poor guy was apparently standing in the crowded local, the entire time "protecting" himself and was really MAD about it. But what surprised me was that-
a)he din't say anything to the guy who was "molesting" him
b)he thought it was not molestation/sexual harassment, it was just disgusting

Maybe men don't look at eve-teasing in the same manner as women do. There was no anger at being treated as a physical object or any frustration at the advances. And in fact, if it had been some young girl instead of a sleepy middle aged man, maybe he would have just stood there enjoying himself. And maybe if this was not a one-off incident, but rather something which he faced almost every day, then maybe his reaction would have been stronger.

And ya, maybe I should not have laughed...at least not so loudly :D

Beowulf- Temptation is the greatest curse

Beowulf is an Anglo-Saxon epic poem about a great warrior. It's the oldest found epic in English and any student of English Literature would be able to tell you what significance it holds for this language. So, when I went to see the latest Anthony Hopkins flick, by the same name, I hoped to revive some of my enthusiasm for old English literature and poetry and see if I remembered anything about this piece.

The epic is a tale (musical in nature- because of the use of alliteration (ref: wikipedia) about a Scandinavian warrior named Beowulf. In the poem, he battles three monsters- one by the name of Grendel, second- Grendel's mom, who wants to take revenge and third, some un-named dragon, in his later life. Beowulf dies in this final battle after slaying the dragon. Apparently, there are 3 funerals in the poem, outlining these three battles. Umm, for those who are interested, do read in detail in Wikipedia (link here)

The movie, though, has taken a different view to the tale and I don't know how much of it is true. Here, Grendel's mom is Angelina Jolie (quite a monster, one would say!) looking extremely appealing and inviting in dripping gold paint. And when Beowulf goes to the lake to kill her, for she wants revenge for her son's death, she makes him an offer he cant refuse- he should give her a son and she will leave the kingdom alone. Beowulf, in the moment of weakness, unites with her and happily goes back to the king, saying that he has slain the evil Grendel's mom.

Now for the ironical part- the king guesses everything- coz in his younger days, the same thing had happened with him and Grendel had actually been the King's son-with Madam Jolie. Hehehehe....one can't help find this scene amusing and the look of desperation on Beowulf's face, to undo his wrong, has been aptly captured. The king very happily hands over the crown, the kingdom, the riches and the Curse to Beowulf and passes away. Beowulf lives his entire life waiting for that curse to resurface in the form of his son and has no peace or happiness. In his later days, the dragon monster finally attacks and Beowulf kills him.

All in all, a tale well told and a moral thrown in too- "temptation is the greatest curse"

What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
	You would fall for the geek. If you're looking for love, consider spending a little more time studying up in the library. To you, there's nothing more attractive than intelligence, shyness, and kindness; your future love may have four eyes and zero social skills, but he'll make up for it in brains and heart.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are Rachel. You're very selfish and pay great attention to image. Spoiled when you were young, you were always the popular and snobbish kid. Although you hang on to your adolescent attributes, you grow more responsible every year.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I don't know why I'm feeling so agitated... am scared, tired, hesitant, silent.... I don't know why....
Have not spoken to anyone or said anything....bas subah se kaam mei hi laga hua hai....yet my mind refuses to calm down... Don't even know what is disturbing me, it's just that weird feeling that something really horrible is about to happen...

Random random random thoughts...

Maine itni baar samjhaya hai...ki never take life easily...if you think it's a simple game you are dead... The moment you let the guard down or think that you are in a winning position- uve already lost... but my concern is that why should we take on life as if it were a challenge or an opponent whom we have to beat..? Shouldn't it be more like a a nice pleasant journey or something? Then why does it feel like it were a foe- trying very hard to get you down.

If I had wings, I would fly

Ever thought what it would feel like to fly like a bird? Came really close to it yesterday...one of the most exhilarating experiences one could have- Paragliding in Kamshet

But, if you're expecting to feel nervous or to get that huge scary rush of adrenalin, well you won't- at least not in the tandem ride that I ventured for...it is more like a peaceful flight...and since the pilot behind you does all the work- you get to just relax and enjoy the flight...just feel the wind on your face and look down at the tiny houses and the field and lakes...you can also see little birds flying on top of the trees :)
After waiting for hours for the wind to be just right, I finally got to take off late in the evening- with the setting sun in the background. Those 10 mins must have been the calmest moments I've had in a looooooooooonnnnggg time...I was grinning so much, my jaws were hurting by the time I landed...

It was like I was just floating in the wind and it could carry me off wherever it wanted to... Thankfully, the pilot behind me was also completely quiet and I could just take in everything... Surprisingly, I had thought that once I fly, I would be screaming and enjoying- but I was actually completely awestruck and silent.

Now I know why people from ages, have been trying to learn to fly... am only glad I got to experience something so awesome... :)

Yajnaseni

These days I'm reading a book called "Yajnaseni" (read: Yagnaseni)- which, as the name suggests- is about Draupadi. She speaks about her childhood, marriage to the five warriors, love for Arjun, insult, dharma, Life...

What I like about the book is that it has thrown her in a completely different light. She talks about her dilemma, pain and anguish at having to unite with 5 different men on each different night. How she loves only Arjun, but has to be true to her other husbands from heart, mind and body. She cannot commit the adharm of thinking of another man while in one husband's arms.

One part was worth thinking- she says that most kings in Aryavart have more than 1 wife, and each night they all dress up and look their best so that the King would desire her and come to her chamber that night. But in her case, it's not as if the 5 brothers will be trying their best to woo her. On the other hand, every night she has to transform herself according to which husband's night it is and satisfy him and make sure that he is happy. Don't get me wrong- I am not talking about the physical aspect alone- it is much more than that. When she is with Yudhishtir, she has to be well-learned, wise and follow dharma. With Bhim- she has to cook, make him feel happy and press his legs or he threatens to return to his demon wife Hidimba...

The irony of it all is that she knows that, for generations to come, people will mock her, insult her and make jokes. And surprisingly, when I mentioned this book to a friend- he immediately came up with a joke about gloves being condoms for the Pandavas. Sigh..

It will be a really long time before this Yajnaseni- who came out of the sacrificial fire to fight injustice- gets any justice in history. The day people stop saying that Draupadi was the cause of the Mahabharata (just like Sita was the cause of the war in the Ramayana!!), she will get her redemption.

I'm getting senti :(

I was reading my year book a few days back and got totally sad. Well, not totally sad, but more like a mixed feeling of happy cum sad. Happy, for all the great times and sad because it's over. Everyone has written such nice stuff about each other. Each person's page is his identity- it speaks volumes about what his friends/batch mates think about him. And it was just so sweet. There was a certain vigour and life about K which I miss. Kuchh na kuchh chalta hi rehta tha...sigh. And I miss all my friends and all the fun/ bakar that we did... siiggghhh!

An Ode to my Feminism

Well allrite, this is not really an ode...but I liked the sound of that :D

Hmmm..so the topic of my concern is my feminism- I'm worried that it's becoming more than just an issue that I am concerned about. It is becoming more like a way of life for me. I get worked up about things which other people feel are non issues. I have often been tagged the head of all mahila-mukti morcha groups. Most of the books at my bed side would deal with women, children, harassment, violence etc. The last 3 books that I have read are-
In the Name of Honour- Mukhtar Mai
Lajja- Taslima Nasrin
Bitter Chocolate- Pinki Virani
I get concerned about where society is headed and the way men think. I often get into discussions (read arguments) about rape, punishment, marriage, sexual harassment etc. I sometimes get paranoid about things like- "What if my husband turns out to be a wife beater!"

And what is sad is that I must confess, I have not really taken any proactive steps to contribute to the cause in any positive manner. Yes, the thought has been there for quite some time now, but so what? Thoughts that are not converted into actions, just remain what they are- random thoughts.

But basically my initial concern still remains- have I crossed that thin line between being sensitive and being an extremist?

washing machine inside my tummy..!

My stomach is very upset. As you can read the title of this post- it feels like my tummy is a washing machine and it's going roun' n roun'. And that everything inside is being shaken up.

There is a bee inside my head and it's going zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz which can be really irritating when you are trying to get some work done! (Though I've given up trying now :D)

My eyes feel they are going to fall out of their sockets, if I don't hold them in (by shutting my eyes)

So basically, on the whole I feel like a mess...and my hair has gone back to its horrible curly state again..which is further cause of distress to me...

Isi baat pe ek sher yaad aa gayi- heard it just yesterday- (I'm not sure about how applicable it is- but here goes--

Dil ke chhalon pe koi sher kahe to kya kahein,
Dil ke chhalon pe koi sher kahe to kya kahein,
Takleef to tab hoti hai,
Jab log wah-wah kartey hain.

Back on the topic of love

Am back after a long time. Got a much-needed break at home and am back in office now (with loads of backlog!). Got this fwd from a friend, called "Romantic things to do with your loved one". Generally I find these fwds to be really stupid and senti stuff, but this one was really cute. So I thought I'll just pick up the ones I liked the best and put them here...

Things like- watching the sunset together...whispering to each other...Cooking for him/her....walking in the rains, hand in hand :)
Roses...hugs (the universal medicine)...dancing together....making excuses to call every 5 mins :D
Brushing her hair out of her face for her(tis a pity girls can't do the same)...falling asleep while on the phone with each other...

All those of you who have ever been in love, who hope to be in love and those who are in love... go and make that someone-special feel special today :)

Don't care no more....

I am in all white today...don't ask me why... maybe it's because I was feeling colourless and moody and it was just a reflection of the emptiness in my heart. I am living life on a see-saw. I don't care anymore that people will read my blog and wonder what's the matter with me. In fact I don't care about anything at the moment. I am on with my regular banter in office, smiling at people, saying the chirpy good-mornings- but I don't feel any of it. It's as if, nothing can touch me- good or bad. People used to say that I am a happy person- and I was; I was a happy person-whatever that means. I was normally a smiling, happy, cheerful person. I can still put up that act- it's not that difficult to fool people, but I wonder if I really care anymore.

My dad used to say that I have a "million dollar smile"...but that seems like a million years ago, in a country far far away. Last night I thought I'll run away- run away home and just lie on my mom's lap and let her tell me that everything's gonna be ok. But I know I can't do that, I can't make her feel that her little girl has given up on life and is drowning. I guess I'm just gonna have to struggle alone and save myself (and it has to be before this weekend, when I'm going home). All I'm worried about is that parents can read the sorrow in your eyes and so far she hasn't been able to feel the catch in my voice, but I don't know what she will see reflected in my eyes...

You know how I feel today? I feel that I am at a threshold, or at the edge of a cliff. My elastic has been stretched and it seems that someone is holding it at just the right length. If it is pulled even a teeny-tiny bit more, it's gonna snap. It gives me a curious feeling- the fear that I am precariously close to falling down the cliff, as well as the curiosity to find out how it will feel to spiral down.

If anything goes wrong today (though there's no reason why anything should- but just in case...) or if the pressure increases further or if someone says something to me- I am so gonna break down... But I like to think of this as a challenge- and see if I can maybe pull a little more :D I seem to get this masochistic pleasure in seeing myself like this- at the end of my wits. When your mind can't take it any more and your body is giving up, but until the heart doesn't give up- I am not going to let the first two bow out so soon...


The war is on :P

Sigh...

Today I am in a wierd mood. I am feeling a deluge of mixed emotions- happiness, calmness, excitement, enthusiasm, boredom, tiredness- you could say I am a chalta-firta oxymoron :) Actually these feelings are a direct result of my hectic weekend, the lack of sleep, tired muscles and an almost flat ass (the result of all that biking :D). At the same time I am looking fwd to the week, plan to totally freak out, stretch the elastic, see how far I can go...

I have a race against time and am definitely going to win the race (and no I am NOT going to be the tortoise- I'll simply be the hare; but won't fall asleep). I am going to squeeze time and basically "drink life to the lees"... and now that I have quoted Tennyson, I might as well put in a small para from Ulysses- one of the most inspirational poetry for me~

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.

How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life! Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains; but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

Re-look at the previous post

I read Neeta's comment on my previous post (right below), and I suddenly realised that my office isn't all that bad either. I keep cribbing about little things in office like, "There's no canteen", "Food sucks", "It's like a bloody PSU at times", "I don't feel like working" etc.

But I just suddenly stopped and thought that if I could turn back time today and go back to campus and decide once more among the two offers I had, would I take Goldman Sachs over L&T? Do I regret my decision of taking up this job instead of that? Or rather, if I got that offer again today, would I leave this job? Well, I'm glad to say that the answer is no :) I am very happy working here, with all these people who have become quasi-family, who I look fwd to meeting everyday :)

Ami- She's almost exactly like I was, when I first went to K- bilkul seedhi saadhi, gharelu types, pampered and protected :D (Have already brought her on the path of change :P)
Vidya- If I don't chat with her on IP and do some girl-talk, din achha nahi jata :D
Manju- The major bakar that we do on the way to and from office is the best time of the day for me. I think only I can match her enthu and craziness :))
Sandhya- The quintessential late-comer, she comes and goes with awesome style and attitude :P Her favourite quote: "Whatever"
Anil- He's the only Punjabi I've met who likes South Indian cuisine
Nilesh- He's the pakka gujju bhai, who fasts on 3 (?) days of the week! Also the Excell Bond and the guy who says, "Idhar aao mere paas" :)) (That too in a sealed IP Msg :P)

Lessons in the Corporate world

'Tis amazing how, even though I am soo busy, I still manage to give my two-pennies worth of thoughts in this little space. I keep learning new things everyday at work; some of which I like to share with junta.

The first one goes like this- Don't call people Sir/Ma'am. You are not in college anymore and these people are not your professors. At the same time, do not use first names, if the age difference if stark. Also, refrain from using short forms or abbreviations like DD, NS etc. Finally, after I ran out of options, I came to the conclusion that the best way to address someone is by their surname- for example, Mr. Vishwanath or a Mrs. Sinha.

Keep a polite distance with people, get friendly but not personal- and for the first time I'm gonna say this out aloud, "You don't make friends at office. You only network and make business relations". Stay polite and affable with people, that's all that's required.

And this one's for all the females out there- "Beware of a female boss." Somehow I realise that as women rise higher in the corporate ladder, either they get insecure or it goes to their head. And I don't know what's the reason, but they don't take well to young females who join their teams/depts. Esp. if you're smart, talented and have an IIM degree (that's me, btw :D), they somehow act weird and unfriendly. And actually, the senior men in the organisation will be more helpful and kind to you. (Ya sure, your looks might have something to do with it :D)

So well, that was all I had for the moment. More on this later :)

Ciao.

Who is John Galt?

I read Atlas Shrugged when I was very young. I was at the age of fiction and I wonder how or why I managed to pick up a novel like that. Well, to say the least, I was very disappointed with it. Apart from the basic plot and a bit of the philosophy I frankly didn't get the rest of it. And I found the book to be over hyped. (Same with Fountainhead- I couldn't bring myself to finish it also, coz i found it just too stupid.)

Well today I think I understand and relate to the book much more, esp. coming from a place like Calcutta, where the "looters and moochers" are abundant ;)

Umm, also on a completely different note I like the concept of the title- Atlas Shrugged. Sometimes you do get the feeling that Atlas should just shrug and let it all go- give the world a big shake. This could be true of anything- study groups on campus, teams at the workplace, a family, a relationship.

I am esp. enamoured by the whole secrecy about John Galt and the last part of the novel - where he creates his own world. Aisa hi ego hona chahiye and guts to say that, "I will stop the motor of the world"...

The day I become the CEO of L&T, some heads are going to roll..! Watch out!

Happy, chirpy, bubbly...

Ya, that's how I feel today- happy. You know how you get a nice warm feeling in your heart- the feeling of serenity, of calmness and of well-being. The feeling that things are ok, life hasn't turned out all that bad and that you are loved.

Sometimes you have to let go...try not to hold on to life too much...not try and control it all the time. Some people say that I always carry a pair of scissors- ready to snip away those parts of my life, which are not going according to My plans...sigh...It's true!

But..! Someone compared me to a little bird some days back... actually a little sparrow, to be precise...hehehee :) I was told that I am sounding all chirpy (whatever that means) :) It's just that I have got this nice warmth after a really long time in Mumbai and am trying very hard to hold on to it (yet again :D)...I just hope that it lasts the day..no no..I'm not gonna be such a pessimist..I hope it lasts atleast 2 days :P

About marriage and stuff like that...

I am going to say something, which I think a lot of people will relate too...and what I believe that a lot of people feel, but don't admit it...."I am scared of the idea of Marriage". I don't understand how 2 people can agree to spend the whole, entire, complete rest of their lives with someone. See, people change. I might like someone today, but after 2 yrs, or 5 yrs or say 10 years, he might take up smoking, become a drunkard or could go for a personality change....I don't know....But I'm sure people won't remain the same...Or maybe he remains the same, but I know for a fact that I will definitely change- so I might not like him anymore...fir kya?

And then there is the whole question about a love marriage vs. an arranged one...how can you judge if someone is compatible with you, or whether tumhari usse pategi ki nahi...
how do you know? I mean like Shahrukh says in DTPH ki "Mujhe kaise pata chalega ki this is the one for me? What will happen when he comes in front of me? Will it start raining, will there be violins in the background, what?" At least in a love marriage you know part of what to expect, but in an arranged thing, it is so simple to end up with the wrong guy... what if he turns out to be wife-beater! (Ok, I know I'm acting a li'l paranoid, but there's that possibility).

Maybe I'm just blabbering away...and it't not like I'm getting married tomorrow- but I just don't wanna get married...! And I don't want people around me getting married either!

"Chalo kuchh masti kartey hain"... :)

Lately I have been accused of being lazy, lethargic or un-enthusiastic. I am often told that on campus I was not like this, or that I used to be full of energy and always ready to try any new idea. So how can I say that I am tired; how is it humanly possible that I turn down a plan? I should be saying, "Kal office hai to kya hua, chalo party karte hain." How can I sleep at 11pm? In fact, how can I, after a LONG day at office, even imagine saying something like, "No man....am not up to it...!"?? This is pure sacrilege...!! I am supposed to have unlimited supplies of energy and am supposed to always be on a high.

So I am going to list down some of the things I have been doing in Mumbai (from June '07 to date) and maybe the reader can judge if this is decent enough or not-

Places Visited- Elephanta caves, Matheran, Vasai fort

In Mumbai- Gateway, Marine drive (obviously), Haji Ali, Bandstand (some 100 times), Jahangir Art Gallery, Cafe Mondegar, Juhu chowpatty, film city, Mount Mary's steps for Feast, Matunga for south indian cuisine, almost all resaurants in Bandra west, shopping on Linking road (for 50 people back home), ALL malls in Mumbai (nothing above Andheri :D), bowling, biking, saw that 4D movie i mentioned....

Plays/concerts- A Ballet performance, Vagina Monologues, Double Deal, Dear Liar...

Movies- Everything released in the last 4 months (3 movies on this last weekend alone!)

Other things done- Started this blog, started a canvas painting, learnt cooking from scratch, got a brilliant massage at Retreat in Madh Island, planned a very nice bday for a friend, catching up on my reading, joining gym from this week...

In office- Launched my company into a new business sector, did some 6 lakhs of business in the 1st week itself, travelled South for training our employees.... getting majorly screwed in office on a daily basis and just come home and feel like crashing...!

Phew...after taking stock of the last 3 1/2 months, I think I'm doing quite allrite...watsay?

The 5 people you meet in Heaven

This is the title of the book I'm reading these days- The 5 people you meet in Heaven (by Mitch Albom). The book starts with the protagonist's death and his journey in heaven. And obviously, as the name suggests, there are 5 people he meets up there- people who have touched his life in a way that he never even knew in his life. The author gives a completely new version to life after death. He says that Heaven is the place you go to, to make sense out of your life on earth; where you get answers to questions about your life...how, your Life has a meaning and everyone's lives are intertwined in a way that we can't even imagine. If you ever said, "Why me?", you'll get the answer to that in your after-life.

I was enthralled by this completely new concept of heaven and it made me think that if I were to die today, or say Now- who would I meet in Heaven? Well here's my list...since it's a bit personal, I am not going to use full names for a change-

G- I know for a fact that we have both affected each other's lives in a big way- so much that if we had not met each other, I would have been a different person today- maybe a more fun person, maybe more happy-go-lucky, definitely less philosophical. He and I are definitely, most definitely, meeting Up There to settle some scores

P- I think something went wrong somewhere and I am not sure who was at fault. I have no clue where he is, but if he reads this and figures out that this was written for him- maybe he'll gimme a call before it's too late

B- I am dead sure (pun intended) that I'll meet her up there. Have known her for some 18-19 yrs now and am certain she won't leave my peechha in my after life also

S- His name should have been at the very top I think. He darkened my childhood in a way - and even though I think I've forgiven him, I still need answers

p.s. I know I've mentioned only 4 people- that's coz I couldn't think of anyone else- I still have a long life ahead anyways, so I'm sure I'll find the fifth person...

Rime of the Ancient Mariner

There's a poem I read a long time back~ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (by S.T.Coleridge): This poem haunted me a lot as a teenager...it built my early thoughts about life, crime, punishment and redemption.

Sometimes you commit mistakes in Life~ everyone does. Sometimes people just do things without thinking, sometimes they don't think of the consequences or sometimes they're just plain stupid. But when you commit a grave error, you might have to bear a fate worse than Death- you might have to carry the albatross around your neck for the rest of you godforsaken life!

The poem is a classis account of Sin and Restoration. One by one all the other sailors die, but our Mariner will not get death- he must live Life with the burden of the albatross, he must endure the cursing eyes of the fellow sailors' and wander on Earth in search of Redemption.

No further gyan from me about Life in this context- if you din't get it, read the poem again...

New day, new week....

Well, it's another day, another week and I am back to office. For a change I don't have Monday morning blues- feeling all geared up and ready to go :)

For those who don't know yet, I am fast on my way to becoming a high-flying corporate honcho :P Have a line of business trips planned this week. Will be off to Chennai and Hyderabad (God, please no bomb blasts on those 2 days... please, pretty please) for training the company employees. It feels nice to be able to tell the secretary, "I'm going away next week, book my tickets." :))

Caught up on a 4D movie at Atria Mall, Worli. It was pretty interesting stuff with water sprays and puffs of wind making the entire experience very realistic. The haunted house show was especially good (I recommend you do not take a kameena friend along- who might scare you suddenly by running his hands down your back in a creepy/crawly manner!!) Ggrrr...! If you're the kind of person who knows how to let her hair down, you could go for "Bumping Cars/Striking cars", and bring back old memories. I certainly had a brilliant time :))

Random thoughts #738

This blog has become an important part of my life. Every morning, as I get dressed for work or am traveling in the auto, these weird topics run in my mind. And believe me, they actually scamper around my head like little mice. I can feel them banging against each other and the inside walls of my head, each of them trying to come up on the top :)) And these topics can range from the mundane to the serious to the surreal. (Unless of course, I wake up in a grumpy mood, in which case I anyways know I can use this space for as much cribbing as I want :D)

Well, today somehow there was a blank and I couldn't think of a single topic that enthused me enough to write. So I thought I'll just start writing random thoughts (I couldn't let down my faithful readers na :))) hehehehhehe....

One interesting thought that did occur to me was a question that A asked me a few days back- "It's not important what age you want to retire at, what is important, is what salary you retire at". He says, (very coolly) he wants a crore at his retirement age. "Hmmm...", I say, trying to quickly come up with a figure to quote. We MBA's are supposed to talk big at all times, mind you, and always seem prepared for everything and we are also supposed to know answers to questions like, "Where do you see yourself 10 yrs down the line?" Interesting question...even though I don't know where I see myself this weekend, I definitely know some answer to the aforementioned question :DD This is all a part and parcel of this whole MBA bandwagon; and frankly I don't see anything wrong in it. I just have to worry about earning a crore till age 50 (?) so that I can match my peers :D

Ciao for now, I have some office politics and an asshole waiting for me :D

p.s. I simply LOOVVVE this...I can write anything I want to, without anybody questioning me..hehehhehe :)))

Happy Teachers' Day to me...

Today after a long time I am missing my teaching days. The sense of fulfillment that teaching as a profession can give you, is hard to find in any other job. I had some 20 kids of my own, each with his/her own idiosyncrasies and I loved each of them for what they were :)

Early in the morning when I would be sitting on a mat with the children surrounding me, Anandini (2 yrs old at the time) would walk right in the door and gimme a tight hug and say, "Auuuunnnnttyyyy!" :) Hehehehe...she was this little cutie pie and a perfect angel. She would sit on my lap during lunch break and sing a Bengali poem which the "didis" (the maids/helpers) had taught her.

The one kid I will never forget is Varun M. Chainani (3 1/2 yrs). If you have ever seen a monster, he was the perfect specimen. I think he got some cardinal pleasure if he managed to make me pull my hair out by the end of the day. The days he was absent used to be the best :D Everyone could do their work in peace without having to complain about Varun messing up things and I could breathe peacefully for some time. But on the days he din't come to school, I would miss the small pink periwinkle that he brought for me every morning (plucked out of the school garden, which he was obviously forbidden to do :) I sometimes wonder what happened to my little monster with the front teeth missing :)

Avyay (3yrs) was this brilliant, smart, handsome kid who was made for big things. He would surely grow up to be a heart-breaker some day ;) Rishabh was this fatty kid, Kshitij was the silent one and Zuhaib the seedha one. Among the girls I remember Ayushi, Riya, Joshna; all perfect princesses :)

The thing about kids is that their life is so simple and they love unconditionally. I am glad that they came into my life and gave me so much love and fulfillment. I hope they all turn out into brilliant human beings and do well in Life. God Bless them.

The Boy who cried wolf & A Roller-Coaster

I started writing this blog about some negative things again this morning. About how in today's world the "Boy who cried Wolf" could be the people you think you are close to. Who tell you (lie?) that they care about you and will be there for you in times of need. But when the Wolf actually comes (meaning when troubles arrive) these people won't be there. I know this allegory doesn't really match with the real story but that doesn't really matter either.

Have you ever sat on a roller coaster? It gives you this funny feeling in your tummy when you go from the top to the bottom. Somehow I feel that Life is like that only. It takes only a few seconds to bring you from the high highs to the low lows. And as your life goes rocketing down you get this queasiness and uncertainty. But I guess we should also remember that we will again climb up from here and the feeling of adrenalin rushing into your blood will take you to newer highs. But its just that this continuous cycle of up and down leaves you pukish in the end and you just wanna get off the ride.

Today Life gave me a hard kick on the backside and saw to it that I give up this grumbling and bloody well start acting like a grown up. Happened to catch up with an old friend today. Out of the blue I found out that he had had a horrible accident for which he was in bed for 4 1/2 months and today he is on crutches with one leg badly hurt :(

Life is very unfair. But I suddenly realised that it hasn't really been that unfair to me. I have been able to pursue my MBA, live life king size, come to Mumbai and fulfill my dreams, keep pressures of marriage at bay...more or less done a pretty decent job of my life so far. Yet I crib so much about how My life is screwed up!

Everyday I hear of people dying, of horrible diseases like cancer, of abortions and miscarriages, of poverty and bankruptcies, of families breaking apart...and yet I have never turned to God and said thank you for keeping me and my family safe. Every morning I go to the church and tell Jesus about my problems and ask him to sort them out for me, but it's very rare that I say, "Father, everything is all right and I wanna thank you for it."

We just take things for granted so easily- "like being able to lift your own bloody foot." I am in an introspective mood and I am ashamed of myself: of how greedy I have become, how my need and craving for happiness has blinded me to the pain and suffering around me. How, in the last 3 months I have not been able to take out time for any kind of social service, even though I work only 5 days a week and am home by 7pm. How we as humans have stopped being thankful for the small joys that Life brings our way, every now and then.

Blank

....

Live for yourself

I never thought that being cold can ever be the solution to anything. But I am proud to say that I have mastered the art of being cold/rude/harsh to people. I have mastered the art of not caring about how the other person would feel if you said something strongly. Because now I think, that your biggest responsibility is towards yourself first, only then do other people come in. If you are not happy with something, then it is not worth it. And you should not do something just to make someone happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should not do favours for people, but if it causes you distress, anguish or even plain and simple irritation, you need not bother. Ya I know, I sound like a really bad person, but I am beginning to question this whole morality of giving selflessly and caring and sharing. Our parents always teach us all these "good" things like being nice to people, not being rude to them etc., but how come they never told us to be nice to ourselves? How come we were never taught to love ourselves? I feel the whole concept of moral values need to be re-worked and the motto in life should be "live for yourself".

Miles to go before I sleep...

The 1 thing that my days at IIM have shown me, is how much capacity I have to stretch myself. You really don't know how far you can go until you try it. You will realise that you can go for hours even without sleep. Learn to live life in the moment and make the most out of every hour/minute and second, coz these days will never come back again... :K

Maro a night-out, do masti the whole of next day- party/shopping/bakar/
lunches/plays/dinners and then after some 6 odd hours of sleep, gear up for a tiring week ahead... feel the adrenalin rushing through your body, feel your heart pumping blood through your veins so that you can go that extra mile :)

I love the feeling that you get when you have packed your clock with so much work/activities that your bones feel tired and your eyes cannot open any more, and you feel like just plopping into a comforting bed...I like that feeling of being so dead tired that you fall into the deepest slumber possible...when you know that you have achieved the maximum possible out of the 24 hrs given to you, you will not feel guilty about falling asleep and resting awhile.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Male-bashing (literally!)...

I am back in my feminist mood today...people say that I should become the head of some Mahila Mukti Morcha group...well I don't care what people say; I have a problem with men... I have a problem with the way they look at females as if they were sex-objects, I have a problem that they think they can say just bloody anything and get away with it, or that they can just grab any female on the road or feel her up and she won't say anything....! This is not 200 BC where men had harems and women were sold in open markets. It's high time that men in our country learnt how to respect women. (& I say India only, coz thats my concern, coz i'm gonna stay in India and would encounter Indian bastards only most of my life...)

I encountered one such bastard yesterday afternoon, who thought that because he was in a gang of 6-7, he could get away with anything. But I guess he din't realise ki uska kisse paala pada hai... :D I am proud to say that the connection between the bottle in my hand and his face was just perfect and am sure he would have a pretty neat black eye this morning :))))

We are not kids anymore who would get scared at a situation like this. This is a call to all women out there, to not take this stuff lying down and think, "Chod naa, hota rehta hai..." No. Raise your voice against any kind of misbehaviour. Whistling, cat-calls, brushing past, touching, grabbing...all of us have faced some of this, sometime or the other in our lives. And it is high time we gave it right back to them where it would really hurt; and like I say, "Bacchey nahi paida kar paoge!"

Chak de!

Faces of India

A small house of my own....

2 friends of mine are shifting in together in a flat in Lower Parel. Went to see the place and it was AWESSSSOOMMMMME! Its like a duplex and really really well done on the inside. Its painted in a classy way, with orange, yellow and red. I was soooo soooo soooo damn Jealous I can't believe...that's coz I had thought that I'd have my own house in Mumbai, which I would do up nicely and you know, like someone said, " having ur own house...even if rented is a gud feeling...its as if u r the king of that small place on earth and can do whatever u wish to..."

And I'm staying in a stupid PG (well it's not really stupid and I can do whatever I want to really)...but its still not "My House"...It's more like a temporary arrangement, doesn't give you that sense of ownership...but koi na, I have made it quite clear to them that they can expect to find me there at any time and I would like to be treated like a quasi- owner; whether they like it or not!! :DD

Awesome weekend...

If you've been in Bombay for quite some time and never been to Elephanta Caves, you've missed an awesome trip...it is an amazing getaway...go there with a bunch of friends, sit on the upper deck, have coke/pepsi, chips, red ber (thats not beer, thats ber~ small red berries).... :)) Plus listen to some awesome music on FM Rainbow :)
The caves transport you to a completely different era- there is a massive shiva linga in the centre and there are dwarpaals guarding the gates..you will find the nataraj, shiv with parvati, brahma-vishnu-mahesh adorning the walls... and the best part is the curio shops lining the climb till the caves...you can buy small nick-nacks as souvenirs~ cute earings/ cards/t shirts/costers..u name it, they got it.
Felt really nice to do touristy stuff, sit on a toy train, buy postcards and see stupid foreigners getting enamoured by India's beauty and history :D Later we ended up at Bade Miya and then obviously Marine Drive :)
Overall an awesome Saturday and a trip I would recommend to all (unless you get sea-sick)

I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation....

Today, after almost 2 weeks I have experienced that "high" again...this is the same adrenaline pump you get when you see a vast expanse of sea, or when you are at the top of a mountain peak... and you feel that All is right with the world and its all yours~ the trees, the flowers, the sun, the clear skies..are all there especially for you... You have this smile on your face and people wonder why you're grinning like a buffoon, but you don't care and keep baring those whites... :D

There are just days when you get up in the morning and you feel that you got out of the right side :P (If only I knew which was the right side, I'd get up from there everyday!) :)) You put on nice music and do a short jiggle in front of the mirror and end up giggling all by yourself...heheheh :P

There's this song we were taught in school, which has been running in my head. I esp. like the chorus, which goes, "I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation..." That's how I feel today, right on top of Mt. Everest :)
Here's how it goes...

Such a feeling's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I wont be surprised if its a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
Its because you are here
Your the nearest thing to heaven that Ive seen

(Chorus) I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that Ive found ever since you've been around
Your loves put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name
And its tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
Theres a pleasin' sense of happiness for me

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here

(Chorus) I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that Ive found ever since you've been around
Your loves put me at the top of the world

Thou shalt not be a Cribber...

I sometimes get the feeling that I have become a "cribber". I'm not sure if thats an actual word, but you get the idea na! Basically I seem to be cribbing about everything- Mumbai, the rains, the slush, about my job, about getting up early, about life in general, about anything and everything. I get up in the morning in a horrible surly mood and don't smile anymore. I reach office and the first thing I tell Vidya is, "I din't wanna come to office AT ALL today" or "I'm not in the mood to work today" or "I am in a horrible mood!" I have been cribbing about the noise in my office, about the people around, about how there aren't any my kinda people, about the loud cell phones, about not having enough fun in Mumbai....sigh...I could go on and on...! I have even been cribbing about my landladies who are in fact perfect angels and soo nice to me.... :(

I am taking a vow that henceforth I will try my best not to get irritated at little things and at friends and colleagues and my aunty and even at rickshawallas. This is a sincere request to all my friends to please give me a (gentle) reminder whenever they see me act surly and scroogey, coz I think Life is very short and inshallah it's going very peaceful for quite some time. So instead of getting scared of this calm, please help me sit back and enjoy it :)

Yaaaaron, dosti...badi hi haseen hai...

There comes a time in your life when friends become as important (if not more than) your family; when you expect their presence on all your special moments. You want them to be there on your b'days, you want them to dance at your wedding, you want them to be there to ooh-aah over your first born, you want them to be there when you grow old :)

Over the years my gang of friends has changed and their are always additions and subtractions~ there are short term buddies and long term friends too :D It doesn't happen intentionally, but today if I need a shoulder to cry on, I know who to turn to. I do not need any Happy Friendship Day messages or cards or gifts to know who my friends are :)

So this post gets dedicated to Rashi, Nausheen, Aditi, Maryam, Neelam, Heta, Neetu, Dipti, Vikhyat, Reddy, Sheeba, Namrata, Suma, Paro, Megh, Kiran, Gaggu, Bala, Motu, DG, Battu, Miya, Bhanu, John, Chinu, Vineet....

I know I won't be in touch with all of you for the rest of my life, but I promise I'll try my best :)

A poem in praise of someone...

The following poem has been written by a very good friend of mine. I am proud to say that my blog-writing skills inspired him to write something too... :)))
I especially like the parts about "a child's innocent smile", "the purest form of rain", and "the warmth of the winter sun"... :)
He reminds me of the poets from the Romantic Age...when stalwarts like Wordsworth and Coleridge described beauty through Nature and said that "a thing of beauty is a joy forever..."

BEAUTY

Whenever I try to describe your beauty,
I fall short of words.
But this is just an honest effort
To give you a little of what you are worth.

You are the simplicity of a prayer,
A child's innocent smile;
You are as intricate as silence,
A star shining all the while.

You are the purest form of rain,
Warmth of the winter sun;
You are the fragrance of a budding bloom,
Turning all sorrows into fun.

You are the dew shining like a jewel,
Fascination of moonlit nights;
You are the vigilance of the feeble,
Strongest of all the mights.

You are an enchanting magic,
A man's love for his wife;
You are a soul's longing for eternity,
A dying man's scream for life.

You are the best of Nature's creations,
For a glimpse of whom Angels peep;
Come, you, in the darkest of nights
And help me close my eyes in sleep.

About the author: MBA from a reputed IIM. Working in Mumbai. If any females want to contact him, pls feel free to get in touch with me..Goes by the name SK :)

Que Sera Sera...

If I were feline, would I be the lioness, daring the foe to come closer or would I be the humble cat, living under her master's commands? Would I command respect from my entire kingdom or would I be kicked around by little boys?

If I were a bird, would I be an eagle and soar high in the sky or a tiny sparrow chirping and looking for its daily fodder? Would I be proud and happy in my flight or would I be scared and whimpering for want of shelter?

Since I am human, should I be brave and calm, standing against all odds or should I be weak and cowardly, never at peace with myself? Should I enjoy life and grab every opportunity that comes my way or should I wait for happiness to be presented to me on a plate?

Don't worry...be happy :)

Nothing is wrong with the world.... The sun rose from the east around 6-6.30 AM... the sunflowers opened up in the sun's direction, the grass is still green in colour, the rivers are flowing brimming with water, rain still wets people, birds got up and left on time in search of food, the rooster gave its morning call on time, there's mist on mountain tops, snow looks as pure as ever, water spray from sea waves feels good on your face, it feels nice to walk beside the sea, children are in school and happy and naughty....

.....Everything is right with the world.... :))

Don't worry about anything :)

Be Happy.... Keep Smiling...

:(

I am very sad...very very very sad :(
(pout)

Piya haji Ali, piya haji ali...

Some background info: Haji Ali is a mosque & dargah located off the coast of Worli in Mumbai. From a distance it looks like it's floating on the water, but it actually has a narrow causeway leading to it from Mahalaxmi. During high tide, this path gets submerged in the water and so you can reach the dargah only during low tide. Till last May, I had not even heard of this place and today it is part of one of my most treasured memories.

29th May, 2006: After a long wait (for the tide to go down) we walked along this long path towards the mosque. There are no railings on either side and even at low tide the waves were pretty strong. Walking barefoot on that narrow path just seemed so right. It does not matter whether you are a Hindu or a Muslim, the place will leave you in awe. You just get a very humbling feeling (don't ask me why...). You will find beggarly children and aged men/women lining the path, hoping that you will drop a humble coin into their bowl; oblivious to the large waves which drench them to the skin. Maybe it was this sight that makes you humble and thank the Powers Upstairs for whatever little you have. By the time we reached the main entrance, we were just feeling blissful; having thoroughly enjoyed the sudden sprays of water. The walk till the mosque was the highlight of the whole visit.

25th July, 2007: Saw the monument again at night. It is shadowed in bright green lights and the entire path is lit up with lamps. One glimpse; and my heart skips a beat. I keep peering out of the window till the stupid taxi turns the corner and it is no longer visible. Never thought I could get senti over a monument...(shake of head)...never mind.

Dream a little dream for me...

No, it's not gonna be that simple. She has to strive harder, has to put in all her efforts to find a way out. Maybe using logic would help, she thinks- isn't that the answer to most problems? But hey, this is not so simple and it's anyways her own fault that she's landed up here- so it's not gonna be that easy now...

"it's ok...don't worry....take deep breaths..don't panic...! Everything's gonna be alrite..."

Gathering up all her stamina, she tries to start afresh, "things could have been worse, I'll manage this.." How long is long enough to get out? She's sure someday the Power will pity her and free her from these shackles...this web of emotions that has entangled her...desperate to get out, she is hitting out at anything possible, anything that has even the remotest chance of hurting her...that big monster creeping up behind her has come closer and she is not even half-way out of this mess..."Oh my God, don't let me die like this...pleeeaaaaaasssssee!!"

"Why is it so dark in here? Wat's happening...! Someone please help me...somebody...anybody....HELP...HAAAALLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP.....omygod omygod...no no NO NOOOO.....pls no..."

Silence.

10 steps to pampering yourself over the weekend :)

1. Land up in an expensive resort in the outskirts of Mumbai
2. Get a room with an amazing view of palm trees (never take pool side!)
3. Sit by the poolside in the late night with the stars winking at you and a small moon peeking out of the clouds
4. Fill the bath tub with HOT water and just soak yourself in it; play some music and chat with an old friend over the phone
5. Go for an early morning massage (use the expensive options like almond or cashew nut oil as opposed to coconut or olive oil)
6. Get a 10 minute champi done~ for the uninitiated, it means a good tel maalish on the head :)
7. Enjoy the steam room in your privacy (it will be crowded in the day time) and ask for some eucalyptus oil in the steam :P
8. Go for a looonnnngg bath and shampoo and feel your inner glow :D
9. Take time out to go to the beach (it helps if the beach is clean and private)
10. Eat good food :)

Red balls of dough in sugar syrup...

Am discussing "How to make Gulab Jamuns" with a guy sitting in Canada at 9am..! Why? Coz we had to come to office early today~ L&T's Chairmain is coming to our office...the office has actually been painted for this great occasion...hahahah :)
Well, back to gulab jamuns~ I know this guy through a mutual friend; have met him only once in my entire life and have done the cursory hi-hellos a few times...and yet I am talking about gulab jamuns (and actually writing about them also :D)!!! Waise gulab jamuns also remind me of a certain visit to a certain restaurant, where I was at my flirtatious best with a French guy :) Even though I don't eat sweets, I ordered for a couple of gulab jamuns and persuaded/coerced him into trying some of India's most favoured mithais... :)
And since we are on the topic, I might as well mention that my taiji (Dad's elder bro's wife) makes the best mini gulab jamuns in the world. My fondest memory is of Urvi (my little niece) stuffing herself with a bowl full of these little red "balls of dough consisting mainly of milk solids, (often including double cream and a little flour) in a sugar syrup flavored with cardamom seeds and rosewater or saffron" (the last bit was copied from wikipedia :D)

Of bosses and lunches and cars...

Yesterday I had the chance to go out for a nice lunch with my top-boss. Sat in his nice silver Chevrolet, drove to Sion and ate at a very nice place :) The food and the company were both good. Conversation flowed well...discussed various things like campus life, office, music, cars...just about anything...overall I would say that the purpose of the outing was accomplished~ getting to know your team members outside of the work place, gelling well with your boss etc etc.

Got late for an important meeting in the afternoon. My other boss, DD had already left :(
Chevrolet se seedhey auto ki aukaad pe pahunch gaya :D Hehehehee... :)
Got a lift back in his black Honda City, and I realised how much i miss sitting in a nice AC car! Auto and train ke jhatke kha kha ke pakk gaya hai...Maybe I should take a small loan and buy a car? It's another matter that dad would completely freak out... :P Or better yet, I should ask him to buy me one :D

Enough of this now...not that I'm really busy...considering that all the bosses have gone to Lonavala for 2 days for (ahem!) a seminar... :)

Aye dil-e-nadaan

Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Arzoo Kya Hai?
Justuju Kya Hai?
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Arzoo Kya Hai?
Justuju Kya Hai?
hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan...

Hum Bhatakte Hai,
Kyon Bhatakte Hai
Dasht-o-Sahara Mein?
Aisa Lagta Hai,
Mauj Pyaasi Hai,
Apni Dariya Mein.
Kaisi Uljhan Hai?
Kyon Yeh Uljhan Hai?
Ek Saaya Sa
Ru-Ba-Ru Kya Hai?
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Aye Dil-e-Nadaan
Arzoo Kya Hai?
Justuju Kya Hai?

Some blabbering about Life

Life is a completely different ball game. You think its a piece of cake and you can manage it...but No - the moment you take your eyes of the ball...WHAM!! It hits you right where it hurts; and it hits hard! You are suddenly shaken out of the comfort zone that you had quietly crawled into, and the peace is shattered like a big piece of glass thrown wildly out of the window.

And you have to start afresh; build the comfort cocoon around you bit by bit and hope that it lasts relatively longer this time 'round. Before the wild storm comes and blows the shelter off your head again, and leaves you stranded on the roads; with the rains lashing your body and the cold wind biting into your skin...

Twelve o'clock.
Along the reaches of the street
Held in a lunar synthesis,
Whispering lunar incantations
Dissolve the floors of memory
And all its clear relations,
Its divisions and precisions,
Every street lamp that I pass
Beats like a fatalistic drum,
And through the spaces of the dark
Midnight shakes the memory
As a madman shakes a dead geranium

Am back

The whole of last week, I didn't write anything. I decided to make my blog open only for private viewing (for whatever god forsaken reason) and I did not want the world to read me or my blog so easily...

But the very reason why I had started writing in the first place was so that I could just write whatever I felt like...and maybe give people, close to me, a glimpse of some hidden side of mine...then why do I hear people (well-wishers) tell me that this is a public forum and you should keep some things personal...or at lease write only about general stuff, but not too personal stuff...

You see the problem with me is that when I start something new and interesting, I do it with my whole heart and try and give some part of me into it...whether I write about issues that bother me or politics or friends, I try to be as candid as possible...and waise knowing myself, I don't think I'm gonna change that easily...but you might find a lil aloofness in my writing for some time...but I guess, if this blog is to run for a long time...I'll be back to normal soon :)

Bye for now :)

Kuchh meetha ho jaye :))

Someone gifted me a BIG bar of Cadburys yesterday :)

It seems like a long time ago in a place far far away when I used to get chocolates as gifts. But at that age they would be kept away by mom coz I don't think we were allowed to eat 'em...

Well then I grew up and went to college :D And again I started receiving chocolates :))
Being wooed by some of Bangalore's finest chocs at 2 am in the night...the simple Perk from the canteen from the sweet guy in the girls' hostel...Cadbury's again from a friend who saw me crying once...someone leaving chocolates on my table when I wasn't around... :) Hehehee...I seem to have got more than my fair share of chocolates, and it's funny coz most people don't even know that I don't really eat chocolates...I hate it when it sticks to your teeth :D My next door neighbours would have a great time whenever I got these li'l tokens of friendship :)

Basically the point is that I got chocolates from someone ysterday, after more than a yr, I think...and even though I know I won't eat even a piece out of it, it still feels nice to know that someone thought about you and went to that little extra effort :)

Glad that I was dragged out of bed :)

On Sunday morning I was at Marine drive at 6am...! This has to be the earliest I have ever woken up in Mumbai...only because I was rudely awakened by a friend, at 5 o'clock, saying that he was landing at my house in 15 mins and I better be there...&%@$%##@@*@ !!

But seeing Mumbai at that unearthly hour was awesome..! Seriously...the sky was a pale blue colour...not very bright, not cloudy, not sunny....just a simple light blue colour...and there was a cool breeze, making my nose go cold and red... :+)

Walking to Nariman Point was brilliant. It was one of those moments when you wished you could fly...sigh...I just wrapped my jacket closer and walked. I am not a great writer or I would have described the beauty of the scene in flowing words. But in simple language i can just say that I enjoyed the simplicity of just sitting there, feeling carefree...having the wind blow your hair all over your face...not saying much...just lying down and watching the sea...there were 2 fishermen in a small rocking boat out to bait the fish...would be great to try that out sometime...

Breakfast at Frangipani at the Oberoi was an added treat...I ended up signing the bill on behalf of my friend who had to go somewhere...but thats a long story and currently meant to be a secret...but in case I'm feeling naughty some day, the beans will spill out in this very space...so stay on a looking out. :D

P.S. Saw Anil Ambani jogging with 6 bodyguards...kya life hai man...who wants to start the day like that...running with 6 people actually surrounding you as u run...and a car following you...! I'd rather have the freedom to lie on Marine Drive with whoever and whenever I wish :))

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.
You're the type of person who goes along to get along.
And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat.

Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart.
You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it.
Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.

p.s. I have no say in whether this is true or not. I just took some stupid quiz coz I was bored in office...

India- the country of Love?

Indians are hypocritical creatures.

Just mention the Taj and they get all pumped up about how it symbolises the true love that a Mughal king had for his dead wife. And how the Taj Mahal was all he could see from his cell window in the last years of his life. India has many love stories to boast about. Heer- Ranjha are considered India's very own Romeo-Juliet. We proudly tell stories about how Prithviraj Chauhan (considered to be the most romantic king of all times) carried off his love, Shakuntala, from the middle of her own swayamvar. And who can forget the Salim-Anarkali love story; the tale of the crown Prince falling for the insignificant courtesan.

Aren't we are all suckers for love stories? All our movies have one central concept- that of love. They celebrate this feeling of elation; the little moments of happiness of a young couple deeply in love. From Mughal-e-Azam to Veer Zaara to Baghban; from Prithvi Raj Kapoor to SRK to Amitabh Bachchan; this is what Hindi cinema has been all about.

Then why does society today still look down on love marriages, why is Valentine's Day still attacked by Shiv Sena, why can't people hold hands/ hug/ kiss in public? Why do we Indians always look at any public display of affection with suspicion. Why can't we just look at them and say, "Look at that happy couple!" Loving someone cannot be against the culture of any country.
We need to break free from the shackles of age-old taboos and move forward. Next time you see a couple kissing behind an umbrella on bandstand, or just having a nice time on the park bench; don't behave like a grumpy old man...just revel in the happiness of these strangers and hope that someday you also find someone to love.

I'm never gonna dance again...

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Dancing, for me, is therapeutic. It makes me feel alive, energetic and happy :) But these words from "careless whisper" makes one feel that the singer has lost someone very close. And the way he danced with this female made him feel extra special and I think I know what he means when he says that I'll never be able to dance again, the way I danced with you...

Dancing is not just about making the right moves on the floor or having a flexible body...I think it's about having the right partner. Someone who you are comfortable with, someone with whom you can live the songs, someone who matches you in energy and enthusiasm, someone who makes you forget where you are or the people around you, someone who makes you feel that you are the best dancer in the world :)

But, in the words of George Micheal, "I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you...uu uuu............."

office office

It's not often that one gets to be the last one working in office. If you are staying back after hours in office, it could mean 3 things-
1) You are being given too much work
2) You're a slow worker and can't finish work on time
3) You want to impress your boss by staying back

The reason why I am still here, in this quiet cabin....is well, the first. But instead of being mad/pissed/irritated I am actually liking this silence. There is a different charm to this. No cell phones ringing, no loud phone conversations, not even the click of a mouse (except mine...)

But one thing that I am sure about is that I definitely don't want to make this a habit. Sure career is important and this is the age to work, blah blah blah...but this is also the age to have fun, and party and enjoy life. So I think the deadline can go screw itself and I am gonna pack up and go home :)

About the middle class and such things...

Coming to Mumbai has given me a fairly good idea of how the middle class in the country live. I have never considered myself to be "middle class". Don't ask me for explanations...but thats just how i am.

In Calicut, there was not much scope to spend large sums of money. Umm...but Mumbai was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be this really happening place, with nice restaurants and hotels and the kind of place which held promises. And I had no qualms about earning well and spending well, once I came here ;)

But, for whatever reasons, I have been trying to live life like the common man...have taken the train instead of a cab, walk instead of getting a rick..things like that. And let me tell you, its NOT nice. I seem to find that I cannot tolerate the filth and stench on the streets...cannot tolerate the muddy roads...cannot tolerate the cars drenching you with that horrible rain water...cannot tolerate sweaty people pushing and shoving in a crowd or even brushing past you on the roads.

And well, then I made the biggest faux pas of my life. I said something like, "I just feel so bloody middle class!". Sigh...well I'm sorry..I know I sound all snobbish and high-maintenance. But all I can say in my defence is that I'm not really like that. Anyone who knows me even remotely well would agree to that (I think... :D) But yes, I agree, I enjoy the finer things in life, and now that I am earning an decent amount, I don't really need to do this...

But, back to the main point of writing this post:
I must say I have seen how the middle class of the country lives and truly respect the value of money now. And, the next time I am about to splurge on something...umm..well, at least I'll think twice...thats all I can guarantee :D

Electing the new President of India

1. Do we need a President?
2. Does he have to be a politician?
3. Does the decision have to be based on caste/religion/gender?
4. Shouldn't merit play any role in the election/nomination?
5. What is the President's role?
6. He cuts ribbons/gives speeches & national awards etc.?
7. Why waste someone of Kalam's eminence for this post?
8. Get any out of work politician, any person who is willing to lead this simple servility. As long as he fits in the right vote bank..!!!
9. India must wake up and make the choice today.
10. Lets bring back the dignity of the post and restore it to the status it once enjoyed.

Reference

Hello! Sir? I'm not feeling like working today...

DUVET DAY (doo.VAY day) n. A company-approved day off that employees can take if they feel too tired to work.

This whole concept of Duvet day is amazing...if you wake up in the morning feeling too tired (read lazy) to go to work, you can just call up your boss and tell him, "I'm not feeling like working today".

There is no need to make excuses like "I'm not well" or "I have the cramps"; just say "I'm not in the mood".

Companies allow 2 duvet days (paid leave) to employees to reduce absenteeism and increase loyalty. The beauty of this is that these are not pre-planned and people do not have to pretend or feel guilty about calling in sick.

Though knowing myself, I'm sure I'll use my 2 duvet days in the very first month, and then will be found cribbing later about how "I din't wanna come to office today" :((

I could never hurt the one I love....

I love this song by Roxette, "She's so vulnerable"... the words are just so apt. They make you realise that some time in your life, you could become SO important to someone; that you gain this power to hurt them...and that person becomes so vulnerable in front of you.

There would also be times when it would be the other way round too; where you could be the vulnerable one...

Ever since someone introduced this song to me, more than a year ago, it has kinda stuck with me...and whenever I feel down, I play it; to reassure myself from the simple words that "I could never hurt the one I love..."

I pray that I never hurt the people I love; my near and dear ones...maybe its not really that nice to have too much power over someone...I'm sorry to all those people who I've ever hurt, without knowing that I could mean so much to them...

everywhere i look i see her smile
her absent minded eyes
and she has kept me wondering for so long
how this thing could go wrong
it seems to me that we are both the same
playing the same game
but as darkness falls this true love falls apart
into a riddle of her heart

she's so vulnerable like china in my hands
she's so vulnerable and i don't understand
i could never hurt the one i love
she's all i've got
but she's so vulnerable
oh so vulnerable

Random blabbering...

Got up in a horrible mood today...god knows why...some people say I have this domino effect thingi, where one thing leads to another and i start thinking about other stuff....and basically in the end get all worked up...
pata nahi..do you sometimes get the feeling that life hasn't turned out exactly as you had hoped it would...? or that, you know, u think that if u had another go at it, there would be somethings you would have done differently...
I don't really regret anything...well maybe I do...there!! confession made....so sue me..! Maybe I regret not making the most out of life, maybe I regret not respecting some ppl enough, maybe I regret some decisions...
whatever...