Confessions of an Agnostic mind

I am not very sure about what I think of God. Frankly, I've never given it much thought. It's not that I feel there's no god At All...but I admit I tend to laugh at people who fast on Mondays in hope of the perfect spouse, or those who say that I don't eat non-veg on Tuesdays...I mean c'mon! I really don't care about going for pilgrimages, apart from the tourist angle of it.

But I repeat, I am not a Non-Believer. In times of crisis, I do find myself praying. But, that's more to calm myself down, than to ask Him to sort out my problems. When I'm low, I do seek some kind of spiritual means to uplift me. But I can't go into the whole mandir-going, reciting-verses bandwagon. I used to find a lot of solace in the temple-down-the-hill on Campus...I used to go to church very regularly in Mumbai... I liked the peace and quiet that came with these places.... they really help you just calm down and forget all worldly issues.

But today when I went to this temple just across my house (which I think I used to frequent as a kid, but I must have gone there after 15 odd yrs!), I din't know how to behave. I mean it.. I was just standing, waiting for my cousin to finish praying. I folded my hands for 10 milliseconds I think, but that was all. And then when the priest offered to put a tilak on my forehead, I just refused! Believe me, I don't know why I did that. I even refused the prasaad that he was distributing. I mean, is something wrong with me? Why did I go there anyways if I din't wanna pray? No one's forcing me!

The boss' daughter

You know what's the difficult part about being the boss' daughter? People don't take you seriously. They treat you as either of the following-
a) Some dumb female who'se just doing timepass till she gets married
b) The boss' daughter- who you have to speak only in monosyllables with and always look down at her feet!!

I know I have this habit of cribbing too much... maybe I sound like I'm never satisfied in life... but then if one is completely satisfied, then what's the use of living any more... it is this greed and desire for something more, that keeps one moving more and more towards perfection...

As a kid I was very content. Content with whatever gifts or toys I was given. I never screamed or threw tantrums... never begged for more chocolates or for more television time... I was a model child...seriously! I was this angelic, well-mannered geek! :D Ya... I don't mind admitting it now... though what is the fun of childhood if you don't break some rules... if you've never experienced the pleasure of having done something naughty and hiding it from the elders...but I was always happy.... I still am happy... but well not completely... Now I want more... It's like, once you've tasted blood, it's difficult to keep you away....

Now I want so much more... so many things that my parents might not think are right for me... I want to break rules... I want to fly away... I want to live life My way... It's like the Pepsi slogan... "Yeh dil maange more"

Phew! 1/3rd of my Life!

I'm turning 25 tomorrow. There I've said it! I've reached a milestone in life, though I'm not taking any credit for it :)

I don't know how that makes me feel... some times I think, "What's the big deal!" A person is only as old as his heart thinks...and then sometimes I think-"Gosh, I'm gonna be 25!" That's like a third of my life gone (considering I live to be 75!?) :P

Physically, I don't think it makes any difference to me, or my attitude or enthusiasm. Mentally too, I am not really feeling that I've become any older (although I do get into "generation-gap issues" with my younger sister..) What I'm actually thinking about, is about what I achieved in these 25 years. Maybe I'm being a little harsh with myself, but I do think that there are so many people who've done so much more in Life at my age, and maybe I haven't really achieved enough.

Maybe I've done better than some people I know and worse than others. I could avoid comparisons with my peer group and just evaluate myself based on how close I am to acheiving my goals in life... Well not as close as I would like to be, but I'm not doing all that bad :)

Here's wishing myself a Very Happy Birthday..! Hope this year goes much better than the last :)

Ah, the arrows of love strike another non-believer...

Last night I got first-hand experience of how love can turn people's head :)

Of all people, if A can have that weird grin on her face (after being on the phone for just 15 mins!), well then I've seen it all.

A self-proclaimed critic of all things romantic, she has just started feeling the initial rush of being in love. The eternal cynic that she is, madam says that it's no big deal and that we don't know what we're talking about. She is not mushy, not romantic, never says "I love you" etc. But, but but... the moment his call came, she totally forgot her speech and was happily yapping away with the smitten look writ all over her face (Ok, we couldn't see her expression coz she turned her back to us!)... but the blush on her face when she turned towards us...!! We were simply ROFLing.... :))) It was just soooo cute to see her act like this :)

Everyone kept on and on about "A! Is this you?" and "We can't believe you said yes to a guy!!" ehheehehe.... overall an amazing slumber party with a lot of beans spilled out :))

"Babudom", here I come...

I am sad to admit that I have also become part of the "babu" culture of Kolkata. I reach office lazily at 9.30- 9.45 am. I take long chai breaks in office...and if I'm not in the mood to work, I just walk into the nearby Oxford store and spend an hour or so there. This is the one thing I was afraid of and never intended to happen to me. I always thought that I would be the kind of person who enjoys office and gives her best at everything. Even though I quit my job for the very same reason (not getting enthused enough about my job), I just hope this complacency doesn't become a part of me.

Writing your autobiography...

Have you ever attempted to write your autobiography? I wonder what age would be the right age to start one? When do you think you've done enough in life to actually put it down in a book? Sometimes a couple of years of your life are enough to fill in chapters and chapters, while sometimes a major chunk of your life may easily be fitted into one page.

One day I'm definitely gonna write the story of my life...it doesn't matter whether it gets published or not... or whether it becomes the next bestseller... but I think it will be a good exercise in introspection and standing aside and looking at your life. Definitely a good idea...

I'm really looking forward to this weekend :))
Can't wait for the day to end and Tomorrow to come :)

I am glad to inform everyone that I have quit my job! :D
yippeeee....! :P

These are a few of my fay-vo-rett things...

One of my favourite songs is the song from "Sound of Music"... "These are a few of my favourite things...." Well, here's the list of a few of MY favourite things. Things that make me smile. Things that cheer me up or make me laugh :)
In no particular order-

# The sound of rain. And the smell of mud after that
# A bunch of fresh flowers
# Watching kids play
# Compliments ;)
# Watching people sleep
# A good novel
# Good food
# The mention of IIMK
#Going swimming
# Dancing

I am down in bed with viral and am feeling very very miserable. I wanna go out and have fun. I wanna sing and dance. I wanna go swimming, I wanna party....(pout). It's not like I was actually doing all this stuff when I was fit, but just the fact that I can't do all this stuff angers me.

Btw, I've been trying to go get up in the morning (6 am!) to go swimming and have failed miserably the whole of last week. And my mom wakes up every morning and asks me, "Did you go swimming today?" with a wicked glint in her eyes- because she knows I haven't! As soon as I am out of bed first thing I'm going to do is buy a new costume (to give me an incentive :P) and then I'm going back into the water :)

Bar girls vs cheerleaders-

Yesterday there was this debate on television against the presence of cheerleaders in the IPL matches. There was some old politician talking about culture and censorship on one side and Prahlad Kakkar on the other side- laughing at him :D I also thought that a mountain is being created out of a molehill. If this is what people want to watch- well, let them! Don't make moral judgements against anyone. Just chill...!

Then came the head of the Mumbai Bar Girls' Association. I was totally expecting some wierdly dressed middle aged women screeching into the camera (a la Rakhi Sawant)... but was pleasantly surprised to find an elderly, soft-spoken lady who just made a very small and valid point.

She says that 2 years back these dance bars were closed down in Mumbai on the pretext that these girls are scantily dressed and watching them dance like this in public is "wrong". Now the same government is allowing American females to be scantily dressed and dance in public and that too on national television. This is a clear case of being double-faced and the very grounds on which they had closed the bars, now stand violated.

I totally agree!

which is worse?

Sometimes when I'm in one of my funny-cum-wierd moods, I like to come to this site whichisworse.com. It's very very stupid- but it never fails to bring a smile on my face :D
Sample these- You have to say which is worse?
a) Farting in a public bathroom that amplfiles the sound (OR)
Farting in a public bathroom that amplflies the smell
b) Having the guy you like making a really funny joke and you peeing all over the place because it was so funny (OR) (I'm ROFLing just imagining this one!) :D
Sitting next to your crush and farting in complete silence
c) Never being able to shower again? (OR)
Never being able to brush your teeth again?
d) Having terrible diarreah and not be able to stop it for eternity? (OR)
Having terrible constipation and not be able to go for eternity?
If you found any of the above in bad taste, do realise that I am really really really bored. And please don't judge me coz I laugh at crude jokes... but ya I admit it- sometimes I do find them funny :D

10 things I want to do before I die

This one's inspired by Paro's blog. Here goes- the top 10 things I want to do before I die (in random order)-
1. Own a Ferrari
2. Go on a world tour
3. Start my own NGO- (obviously women and child rights.. duh!)
4. Be able to dance amazingly, without getting conscious
5. Hear my Dad say once that he's proud of me. He'd say he is, if I asked him- but I want him to say it on his own
6. Have babies (in my own sweet time!)
7. See heads turn as I walk into a packed room- and have ALL eyes on me (for the right reasons :)
8. Come on television (with Amitabh Bachchan preferably)
9. Kiss Brad Pitt and Richard Gere and Tom Cruise (and George Clooney also... :D
10. Attain eternal Peace- be calm- be eternally happy :P

OK- so some of the points are more like fantasies instead of goals- but then IIMK's tag line goes- Dream Innovate Achieve :D
p.s. I wanna kiss Hugh Grant also.

&^#^*&^$##@#@%!

Hmm... I'm in a wierd kind of mood... you know when you don't know what exactly you're feeling..? I just know it's wierd coz one moment I'm singing loudly "kya aap paanchvi paas se thez hai..." (just loved the music.. :P) On the other hand I'm just feeling like life's not going great... I mean it's not all that bad, but it could definitely be better. I just wanna freak out and forget my boring office and my boring life...Now I know why people drink- I guess it just makes them forget all these little things and gives a high... but my point is that Life itself should give you a high na? And at one point of time, it used to give me a high... (sigh.. miss those days...)

p.s. Have been trying to remember that song between Jimmy Shergill and some xyz model- from that movie about Kashmir where he's in the army... there's a very very nice song in the woods... It's just at the tip of my tongue, but yaad nahi aa rha... ggrrrr....